I had to change my name to something ridiculous on 'ol FB. Why, you ask? I'm pretty sure an ex-friend/s is crazier than I am. I've made it so no one can search for me, I've locked every bit of my profile up so the public can see nothing on my page. I've left most of the private groups I belong to, for the second time, to spare them from this bullshit. I'm almost positive she or someone she knows is harassing another old friend of mine by pretending to be me. Someone has a bunch of screen shots from my personal FB wall and from private groups I was in and was posting them on an open Facebook page trying to...you know what? I have no idea what they are trying to accomplish. Revenge maybe? I can't even tell you, I'm at a loss. I keep waiting to come home to my house on fire or one of my pets dangling from a tree.
I haven't posted here in awhile, I've been not well. I spend most days in bed, sick from one thing or another. My immune system appears to be shit. I'm starting and stopping assorted pills, seeing doctors and trying to get better. Desperately trying to feel good again. For me, for my husband, for my kids, for my friends and family. It's an ugly battle that is waging inside of me. All I want is to function normally.
I cling to hope. That is the key. When you lose hope, you lose your will to live. Believe me. So no matter how bad things are/have been/will be before I am better, I keep hope alive. I have to believe that i'm not always going to be sick, psychically and mentally. I also have to tell myself that just because I am not "normal" that I am still a good person. I have people who love me, who support me, who don't look down on me, who know that i'm not this way on purpose. I have to focus on trying to make myself as whole as possible, so I can be happy again.
It's not easy, trying to heal myself while someone is going around trying to destroy me. But i'm doing it, because I know i'm not a bad person. They are fighting to discredit, belittle, to try to ruin me, all while I am fighting to live.