Want

Life never turns out the way you imagine, when you are a dreamer. So many things I want that I can never have, or aren't right for me to have. The need to possess, to claim is so strong.  To run wild and free. I am happily shackled by my other set of dreams.

But...

I want to be a mystery waiting to be unraveled.

I want endless books stacked up in dusty piles waiting for me to unlock their secrets.  

I want every smile to be real, every tear to have a story.

I want someone to wonder what i'm thinking, dreaming.

I want to forever keep these friends that know the deepest dark parts of me and love me anyway.

I want to stand in the rain and remember what it means to be alive.

I want to finish something that I start.

I want to make bad choices that end in epic stories.

I want to sleep without constantly waking, I want good dreams.

I want to be oblivious, at least for a moment.  I want my brain to stop its constant monologue.

What do you do when you are bigger than your life?  I can't have everything.  I am wife, mother, daughter, sister.  I have my dreams, I have all I've asked for.  But inside i'm a wanderer.  I'm gone, somewhere, anywhere.  Free to live my dreams, create my stories and pictures that are almost impossible to get out onto paper.

Is it possible to be two people at once?  To have two lives equally as amazing?  To live this adventure of wife and mother, yet still have the other life?

Is it a burden to be someone no one really knows, with fathomless secrets and desires? Or is it just part of the adventure?