One of the most irritating things about having a mental disorder is all the helpful advice people give you when you don't ask share with you. Really helpful things like, "you should just make yourself be happy"
Patting yourself on the back with that one, aren't you?
Listen, i'm not Peter Pan, thinking happy thoughts isn't going to make my fat ass fly. If it was that easy, there would be no depression, no anxiety, no PTSD, no PPD, and the other myriad of fun disorders.
The problem is, people who have never dealt with a mental illness have no idea what to say to you. Which is normal. BUT I don't know what it feels like to have cancer, or arthritis, or elephantiasis of the nutsack. I do know how to empathize, though. And telling someone that they should just stop being depressed isn't being empathetic. It's being an asshole.
This isn't the past. We're not struck by hysteria. We don't need to whisper about therapy and pills. They aren't something to be ashamed of. People force shame on you though, as though you are malfunctioning, but you must do it in quiet. Tell me about your issues, but whisper it so our family/friends can't hear.
I posed a question on a thread. I asked what was the most hurtful/irritating thing that has been said to them. They all had the same vein running through them, quit being the way you because I have no idea how to fix you and it is inconveniencing me:
Lily: I could have skinned my professer one day in class when he talked about people "doing depression." As if it's something we do on purpose.
Darleen: I'm a Christian, go to church very regularly but have heard from the pulpit on occasion that if you pray harder it will go away....Uhm no, depression is a clinical illness.
Cait: "You just need to put yourself out there" is my favorite. I have friends who think an indoor soccer league will cure all my ills. While I love sports & playing them, and exercise IS an awesome relief, no, indoor soccer will NOT cure depression/anxiety. Neither will volleyball, rock climbing, or competitive dorkiness (aka Magic the Gathering). Oh, when people tell me to "just move on". That's the worst because I *want* to move on and I can't. I'm not trying to wallow or anything, it's just the way it is!
Luci: Where to start. "Just snap out of it!" "Pharmaceuticals make it worse!" "You just need fresh air and exercise." "You should just try to relax more." "You have nothing to be sad about, so why would you feel bad?" "You should really try to get off the drugs," as if not taking meds would be a good goal in and of itself.
Dannie: My husband does not understand my anxiety at all. He just says "You need to not worry so much." Another one that bothers me is when I get accused of being antisocial. Forcing interaction in social situations makes it that much worse, so I tend to avoid it. I'm not a jerk. I just need to take it in small doses and decompress. Unfortunately, if I'm still in the situation, I just shut down. It actually took me a long time to accept myself because it seems like you SHOULD be outgoing and the pressure is there to do so.
Sarah: I suffer from anxiety/panic attacks. My husband used to tell me “just get over it.". How I wish.
Laura: I hate it when people try to force me to go out in a social situation when I'm clearly not in the mood, or when I feel it's time to go home, and they get mad at me for cowering in the corner. I've gotten in major fights with boyfriends over this before. They just don't understand this and think if they just make me do whatever, I'll be OK. Usually this is not the case, I understand myself pretty well.
Stacey: I hate when people say it’s all in your mind or that you just have to force yourself to do stuff and that fixes you. Grrr
Andrea: "There's nothing you can do about it, so there's no use in worrying" for anxiety. For depression, it's "using drugs as a crutch" and "Why do you insist on being so negative all the time?" Um... I call it like I see it.
Emily: I hate it when I can't tell my husband what's wrong. When I feel like crying, or screaming, or yelling, all at the same time, and I can't articulate what's wrong. And then he gets frustrated with me, and it makes it all worse. I hate the "Why can't you just tell me what's wrong?" as if it was something that can be fixed in an instant.
Katharine: "I get sad sometimes too, just get over it". "Just tell yourself you are fine and you will be ok".
Olivia: "You just need to get outside and get some exercise!" - My mother, aka The Most Supportive Person Ever. *eye roll* (I have PPD/PTSD)
Is this how we have to live? Being told to "get over it?" Does that give me the right, the next time someone grumbles about their issues, to say something ridiculous and unhelpful?
How about this, when someone you love looks at you and says, "I have no idea how to get through this" "i'm sad and I hate it" "i'm scared something bad is going to happen all the time" "I wish I could just feel normal" "I just want to be happy" You look at them and tell them you love and are there for them. And then stop talking. I bet that would help a thousand times more than empty words, or vapid suggestions that don't mean a damn thing.
