I've been doing a lot of staring out of windows, staring at my hands, watching terrible movies and clinging to my husband and friends. Bobby's absolute confidence and unending patience with me has been the bridge that has carried me over the worst of myself. Jennifer and Sara have been the sounding boards, the hand holders, while I knit myself back together. Without their encouragement and laughter this journey would be lonely and ridiculous.
I admire the confident people, who always seem to know who they are, what they want. They calmly navigate rough waters with nary a hair out of place. While I literally and figuratively stumble through my life, they don't even break a sweat. I cannot relate, at all.
I don't believe i'm supposed to figure everything out. I'm always going to be a little off, a little lost. Always burning inside, never calm and quiet. There will always be a riot in my head, my heart will always be too full. The trick is figuring out how to feel wild and grounded at the same time. Is there a way to master this? Time will tell.
So here I go again, again. And again, and again...