Life as 5 is experiencing technical difficulties. The technical difficulty being the puppy chewed my computer cord right in half. So a new one is on it's way. My comp is dead and I'm posting from my phone, which is not a good time! As soon as the charger gets here I will be back in business, and will draw the winner of the giveaway!
Be back soon!
Let's Get Random: The Thanksgiving Edition!
Hello out there, my faithful friends (and a few foes!) It's time for a random post from yours truly, the girl with wicked cramps and a surly disposition.
1. If anyone read yesterday's post they'd see some screencaps we caught, and it's pretty obvious the lady is nuttier than fucking peanut butter. Here's the fun news, I've been accused of being the crazy lady! Somehow, I am supposed to have had two Facebook accounts open at the same time, and I'm supposed to have been defending myself....to myself! That's right, ladies and gentleman, I have the superhuman ability to fight in real time with my alleged split personality. So, 'ol Skeptical Mother, who thinks its me, or Tara, or Florence...get a fucking clue how to read time stamps, you dumb bitch!
2. I got a creepy stalker card in the mail today with no return address. All it says inside is "I'm sorry, I love you." I am pretty sure who it's from, and if it is from that person: Leave me alone. You attacked me during the absolute worst moment in my life, I think you are horrid. I may burn the card to release the bad juju vibes. If it's not her, then whoever it is, you are creepy.
3. I had a flipping beautiful time with my new bestie, Bambi, on Saturday. We drove around Amish Country, and before I knew it we ended up at the Humane Society and I got a puppy! Oliver is as sweet as sugar, has only pee'd in the house twice, and is cute as a button. And now he's connected to an awesome memory with an awesome friend whom I love dearly.
4. Speaking of Bambi, there has been a lot of flack thrown at Homebirth Loss Mama's lately. And in all the time I've spent with Bambi, all I see is pain and regret. So, the next time you hear or read about someone losing their child, drop a friendly line or show a bit of support, don't jump on the "they should have known better" bandwagon. We all should have known better about something at some point in our lives.
5. Thanksgiving is in two days and I am happy to be getting my nom on, but it's our first Thanksgiving without Christian. So, when you bow your heads over your piles of food, say a prayer for my baby sister. The holidays are going to be long and difficult. I miss her happy smiles.
So, there it is, a bit of randomness for your Tuesday evening. I could write more, but I'm getting typed out. I'll leave you with a picture of my new pet:
Shit! That is totally the wrong picture! But she totally is my new pet. Her name is Bambi. Look at cute we are. And nothing says "Amish Country" like fuzzy hats, right? Let's try again!
1. If anyone read yesterday's post they'd see some screencaps we caught, and it's pretty obvious the lady is nuttier than fucking peanut butter. Here's the fun news, I've been accused of being the crazy lady! Somehow, I am supposed to have had two Facebook accounts open at the same time, and I'm supposed to have been defending myself....to myself! That's right, ladies and gentleman, I have the superhuman ability to fight in real time with my alleged split personality. So, 'ol Skeptical Mother, who thinks its me, or Tara, or Florence...get a fucking clue how to read time stamps, you dumb bitch!
2. I got a creepy stalker card in the mail today with no return address. All it says inside is "I'm sorry, I love you." I am pretty sure who it's from, and if it is from that person: Leave me alone. You attacked me during the absolute worst moment in my life, I think you are horrid. I may burn the card to release the bad juju vibes. If it's not her, then whoever it is, you are creepy.
3. I had a flipping beautiful time with my new bestie, Bambi, on Saturday. We drove around Amish Country, and before I knew it we ended up at the Humane Society and I got a puppy! Oliver is as sweet as sugar, has only pee'd in the house twice, and is cute as a button. And now he's connected to an awesome memory with an awesome friend whom I love dearly.
4. Speaking of Bambi, there has been a lot of flack thrown at Homebirth Loss Mama's lately. And in all the time I've spent with Bambi, all I see is pain and regret. So, the next time you hear or read about someone losing their child, drop a friendly line or show a bit of support, don't jump on the "they should have known better" bandwagon. We all should have known better about something at some point in our lives.
5. Thanksgiving is in two days and I am happy to be getting my nom on, but it's our first Thanksgiving without Christian. So, when you bow your heads over your piles of food, say a prayer for my baby sister. The holidays are going to be long and difficult. I miss her happy smiles.
So, there it is, a bit of randomness for your Tuesday evening. I could write more, but I'm getting typed out. I'll leave you with a picture of my new pet:
Shit! That is totally the wrong picture! But she totally is my new pet. Her name is Bambi. Look at cute we are. And nothing says "Amish Country" like fuzzy hats, right? Let's try again!
Look how sweet!
Guest Post-Failing at Birth?
An interesting and sad conversation went on last night, and I was right in the thick of it. I was told I failed at birth. Cool, huh? This woman also went on to say babies should rather perish than be sectioned. When I, and the other ladies involved defended our sections, and other womens birth's, we were called trolls and bullies by someone stalking us and spreading hateful lies. All very high school, yes? Feel free to roll your eyes, we do all the time. We were all respectful, and I can honestly say this woman disturbed me. The wonderful Tara was kind enough to write a post, uh, highlighting some of the "finer" moments.
Take it away:
There seems to be a battle waging for who has the most perfect birth, and the competition is fierce! The winners (self-proclaimed) seem to be only those who birth at home with absolutely no interventions or medications needed. So where does that leave the women whose births are more complicated and need those life saving measures? Apparently, they have failed at giving birth:
It's okay though, because they can just keep having babies until they get it "right"
A few people tried to gently reason with her:
Even the moderator of the page tried:
But she went on to tell all the mothers how they are supposed to give birth in the most perfect of ways:
She then makes several comments stating that women shouldn't be allowed to have c/sections in her idea of a
"perfect"world:
Until the moderator of the page had enough:
Women judging each other's births and rating them on some imaginary scale of perfection. A perfect birth is such a subjective thing, shouldn't each woman get to decide? If a homebirth is really what a mother wants, shouldn't she be able to pursue that? And likewise, if a c/section or hospital birth is what feels safe to a mother shouldn't she be able to have that without some random stranger telling her she has done it wrong? When did childbirth get to be such a competition? And why is judgment so cleverly hidden under the guise of support? Ultimately, the health of the mother and child are paramount, and if they are happy with their experience, who has the right to cast judgment on it? My answer? Nobody. I leave you with these inspiring words.
"With life as short as a half-taken breath, don't plant anything but love" -Rumi
Take it away:
There seems to be a battle waging for who has the most perfect birth, and the competition is fierce! The winners (self-proclaimed) seem to be only those who birth at home with absolutely no interventions or medications needed. So where does that leave the women whose births are more complicated and need those life saving measures? Apparently, they have failed at giving birth:
It's okay though, because they can just keep having babies until they get it "right"
And there is definitely a right and wrong way, according to the poster:
and if a woman fails to produce a baby the "right way" she is doomed to lead an empty life. When another person incredulously asked if she really believed that c/sections are failures she replied:
But she went on to tell all the mothers how they are supposed to give birth in the most perfect of ways:
She then makes several comments stating that women shouldn't be allowed to have c/sections in her idea of a
"perfect"world:
I found this conversation to be so distasteful.
Women judging each other's births and rating them on some imaginary scale of perfection. A perfect birth is such a subjective thing, shouldn't each woman get to decide? If a homebirth is really what a mother wants, shouldn't she be able to pursue that? And likewise, if a c/section or hospital birth is what feels safe to a mother shouldn't she be able to have that without some random stranger telling her she has done it wrong? When did childbirth get to be such a competition? And why is judgment so cleverly hidden under the guise of support? Ultimately, the health of the mother and child are paramount, and if they are happy with their experience, who has the right to cast judgment on it? My answer? Nobody. I leave you with these inspiring words.
"With life as short as a half-taken breath, don't plant anything but love" -Rumi
Thanks for posting, Tara! <3
Sanctimommy: The baby death edition
So I came across this gem today. I didn't have money to offer, but I could offer my condolence. I could take a few minutes and watch the video, see how much this woman loved her baby. I can't imagine burying a child. Although, with all the crap I see every day, I can say this doesn't surprise me. This is Sanctimommy at it's most disturbing and disgusting. I made her name black, like her heart.
This, that, and the other
I've been sitting here trying to think of an interesting blog topic or a funny story. I got nothing. I'm too busy browsing on Pinterest and laughing with my Facebook sista's.
I can tell you I had a bit of a mini breakdown yesterday. It involved a dead hamster, a key mix up, and lettuce and ground beef on my nice carpet. When my husband got home from work and showered, I ran out the door, hopped in the van and drove out to see Christian before it got dark. As I stood there in the last light of the day, I took some deep breaths and said a few prayers. I bawled there, cried all the way home, and then cried in the garage for a little while. Dear boy...
Today I woke up in a bit of a better place. Played with the kids, made some potato soup, and then pulled all my art supplies out. I loved watching my babies paint and create. I found it interesting how they each painted so differently. Noah was more careful, methodical, while Ellie was more free-spirited, just went wild. I loved every moment of it. Now Noah has a painted "treasure box" and Ellie painted a flower that we glittered and stuck a pretty butterfly on. My little Picasso's. (don't worry, I didn't leave Em out, she was at Chuck E Cheese for a school thingamajig)
I guess the point of this post is a simple one: I am just living my life. Doing my everyday things with my family. I am finally am going out and having fun with friends that love me. Oh, did I not mention that? Lindsay made a new friend, and she's faboosh. It was like instant love....sigh...she digs me, don't you my Bambilina? She's a keeper, she makes amazing rigatoni and brings me booze. And she gets me...Oh i'm totally gushing.
Keep on swimming, dear readers.
I can tell you I had a bit of a mini breakdown yesterday. It involved a dead hamster, a key mix up, and lettuce and ground beef on my nice carpet. When my husband got home from work and showered, I ran out the door, hopped in the van and drove out to see Christian before it got dark. As I stood there in the last light of the day, I took some deep breaths and said a few prayers. I bawled there, cried all the way home, and then cried in the garage for a little while. Dear boy...
Today I woke up in a bit of a better place. Played with the kids, made some potato soup, and then pulled all my art supplies out. I loved watching my babies paint and create. I found it interesting how they each painted so differently. Noah was more careful, methodical, while Ellie was more free-spirited, just went wild. I loved every moment of it. Now Noah has a painted "treasure box" and Ellie painted a flower that we glittered and stuck a pretty butterfly on. My little Picasso's. (don't worry, I didn't leave Em out, she was at Chuck E Cheese for a school thingamajig)
I guess the point of this post is a simple one: I am just living my life. Doing my everyday things with my family. I am finally am going out and having fun with friends that love me. Oh, did I not mention that? Lindsay made a new friend, and she's faboosh. It was like instant love....sigh...she digs me, don't you my Bambilina? She's a keeper, she makes amazing rigatoni and brings me booze. And she gets me...Oh i'm totally gushing.
Keep on swimming, dear readers.
Giveaway! 25 Dollar Gift Card
I love this time of year, when you start thinking about the holidays. Thanksgiving makes way to Christmas, which I adore. I love it all, the shopping, the decorating, the baking. Cozy nights with the lights turned down and the tree lit up, surrounded by the loves of my life. The chaos of Christmas morning, bits of paper and the kids begging to have everything out of boxes and into their hands. Love it!
So, to kickoff the most wonderful time of the year, i'm giving away a 25.00 gift card (general gift card, to be used anywhere) to one of my readers!
{I'm going to pick the winner on December 1st.}
One entry for each response!
1. Follow Life as 5 on GFC.
2. Like Life as 5 on Facebook
3. Tell me what you will do with the gift card.
4. Tell me about your favorite holiday tradition.
Good luck, my lovely readers!
Book Review-Rippler
I received Rippler by Cidney Swanson quite a few months ago. I absolutely loved it. Then, my life got turned upside down, and unfortunately all my book reviews got lost in space. But, there are some books that deserve a review, and Rippler is one of them! I am so happy to have connected with this author, and to be introduced to this book. Samantha Ruiz has a interesting problem; she becomes invisible and has no idea why. After she becomes invisible during kayaking, a teammate,Will, reveals more about her ability. She and Will begin researching in an attempt to help Sam take control of her Rippler's Syndrome. Will's older sister joins in, looking into mysterious murders and secret scientific research.
I said it before and I'll say it again, I so enjoyed this book! Fantastic writing, fantastic characters, great pacing. And the ending is such a cliffhanger, the book was over way too soon. As soon as I was done, I was ready for book two. Luckily, book two is out!
You know what else I liked about this book? The awesome author. Cidney was so kind in emails, especially after I emailed and apologized for postponing the review. If you're a teen, have a teen, or are like me and enjoy well written teen genre books, pick this up. And have you looked at that cover? Gorgeous.
Do yourself a favor, go here, and pick this book up.
Guest Post-What Natural Childbirth Advocates Really Believe
I'd like to thank the beautiful Tara for this awesome guest post! I'd also like to preface this by saying we are NOT against natural birthing. In our group we have homebirthers, natural birthers, c-section mamas, extended breast feeders, formula feeders, baby wearers, stroller users, etc. We are AGAINST misinformation. It can be deadly, dangerous, and sometimes...hilarious.
I recently read this post from naturalnews.com: http://www.naturalnews.com/028012_skeptics_medicine.html.
Quite frankly, I found it irritating. I disliked how the writer defined all skeptics by his own narrow view. I also disliked how every link he used to prove his point led to his own site, but that's the skeptic in me. It got me thinking about what the opposite of a skeptic is, so I employed google, the favored method of research among non-skeptics. I found words like gullible, believer, naive, convinced etc. and the opposite of skepticism would be dogmatism. Of course, as an advocate of safe childbirth, I applied this to all the natural
childbirth extremists that routinely make me want to rip my hair out and I compiled my own list. Please keep in mind that is very tongue-in-cheek and (slightly)exaggerated. It also felt too mean to refer them over and over as "gullible" so as tempted as I was, I will refer to them as NCBers. So here goes...
NCBers believe that women should insert garlic into their cervix to prevent infections. I do not know if they also believe it will ward off would-be vampire rapists, but it wouldn't surprise me. http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1308401/anyone-cure-group-b-strep-with-garlic-inserts
NCBers believe that eating 17 eggs a day is good for their baby. Cardiologists may disagree. https://www.inspire.com/groups/preemie/discussion/has-anyone-tried-the-brewers-pregnancy-diet/
NCBers believe that gestational diabetes is made up. http://www.unhinderedliving.com/glucosetolerance.html
Having experienced this complication firsthand, and nearly suffering the loss of my baby, I find nothing amusing to write about this one.
Here's another: http://outlawmidwife.wordpress.com/2011/04/26/bunk-science/
NCBers believe that Doppler's are dangerous. The writer of this article claims it made her daughter "short"
http://www.natural-motherhood.org/2011/10/doppler-danger.html
Also, that ultrasounds are dangerous. This article from none other than naturalnews.com claims that Bill Gates is zapping men's scrotum's to make them infertile.http://www.naturalnews.com/028853_ultrasound_fetus.html
NCBers believe that 44 weeks is perfectly normal, http://birthwithoutfearblog.com/2011/02/06/enlighten-thy-neighbor-on-due-dates/
On sites like Midwifery Today one can often find someone reassuring a nervous 41 weeker that she birthed her baby at 45, 46 and even 47 weeks. Because, if it happens once, it happens all the time. For everyone. And it's formulaic in content, as in "I(insert crazy assertion) and I was just fine"
NCBers believe that a baby's death is the fault of the mother:
Nothing funny about this one either.
This is pure vileness, cruelty and heartlessness at it's worst. Sadly, it's rampant on NCB pages.
NCBers believe that placenta previa is no good reason to have a c/section. http://www.unhinderedliving.com/previa.html This one speaks for itself.
NCBers believe that safely delivering a baby is not important, or at least not as important as informed consent :http://outlawmidwife.wordpress.com/2011/03/30/on-safety-and-consent/
However, Oregon midwives have failed to generate an informed consent form for their clients to read and sign: http://skepticalob.blogspot.com/2011/11/oregon-homebirth-midwives-dont-want-to.html
I really could go on for pages and pages of all the things that NCB extremists accept without a single shred of reputable evidence but I won't belabor the point. And please realize that not all NCB advocates swing to the far left of crazy, many are quite discerning. But they are out there, and they are pervasive. I can't help but poke a little fun at their expense.
In all seriousness a little skepticism is healthy, it keeps one from falling prey to unscrupulous individuals that seek to spread misinformation for their own self-serving purpose. And it will keep you from giving money to someone claiming to be the archangel Metatron who will teach you to re-activate your 22 strands of dormant DNA.
http://www.galacticfoundation.com/22strandDNA.html
Betcha thought you only had two!
I recently read this post from naturalnews.com: http://www.naturalnews.com/028012_skeptics_medicine.html.
Quite frankly, I found it irritating. I disliked how the writer defined all skeptics by his own narrow view. I also disliked how every link he used to prove his point led to his own site, but that's the skeptic in me. It got me thinking about what the opposite of a skeptic is, so I employed google, the favored method of research among non-skeptics. I found words like gullible, believer, naive, convinced etc. and the opposite of skepticism would be dogmatism. Of course, as an advocate of safe childbirth, I applied this to all the natural
childbirth extremists that routinely make me want to rip my hair out and I compiled my own list. Please keep in mind that is very tongue-in-cheek and (slightly)exaggerated. It also felt too mean to refer them over and over as "gullible" so as tempted as I was, I will refer to them as NCBers. So here goes...
NCBers believe that women should insert garlic into their cervix to prevent infections. I do not know if they also believe it will ward off would-be vampire rapists, but it wouldn't surprise me. http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1308401/anyone-cure-group-b-strep-with-garlic-inserts
NCBers believe that eating 17 eggs a day is good for their baby. Cardiologists may disagree. https://www.inspire.com/groups/preemie/discussion/has-anyone-tried-the-brewers-pregnancy-diet/
NCBers believe that gestational diabetes is made up. http://www.unhinderedliving.com/glucosetolerance.html
Having experienced this complication firsthand, and nearly suffering the loss of my baby, I find nothing amusing to write about this one.
Here's another: http://outlawmidwife.wordpress.com/2011/04/26/bunk-science/
NCBers believe that Doppler's are dangerous. The writer of this article claims it made her daughter "short"
http://www.natural-motherhood.org/2011/10/doppler-danger.html
Also, that ultrasounds are dangerous. This article from none other than naturalnews.com claims that Bill Gates is zapping men's scrotum's to make them infertile.http://www.naturalnews.com/028853_ultrasound_fetus.html
NCBers believe that 44 weeks is perfectly normal, http://birthwithoutfearblog.com/2011/02/06/enlighten-thy-neighbor-on-due-dates/
On sites like Midwifery Today one can often find someone reassuring a nervous 41 weeker that she birthed her baby at 45, 46 and even 47 weeks. Because, if it happens once, it happens all the time. For everyone. And it's formulaic in content, as in "I(insert crazy assertion) and I was just fine"
NCBers believe that a baby's death is the fault of the mother:
 |
| * I just wanted to make a disclaimer about the comment made by laura. She was being heavily sarcastic and does not actually feel this way. What is more stunning is the commenter under her is NOT being sarcastic. She actually believes that a mother who loses her baby deserves what she gets. Absolutely repugnant |
This is pure vileness, cruelty and heartlessness at it's worst. Sadly, it's rampant on NCB pages.
NCBers believe that placenta previa is no good reason to have a c/section. http://www.unhinderedliving.com/previa.html This one speaks for itself.
NCBers believe that safely delivering a baby is not important, or at least not as important as informed consent :http://outlawmidwife.wordpress.com/2011/03/30/on-safety-and-consent/
However, Oregon midwives have failed to generate an informed consent form for their clients to read and sign: http://skepticalob.blogspot.com/2011/11/oregon-homebirth-midwives-dont-want-to.html
I really could go on for pages and pages of all the things that NCB extremists accept without a single shred of reputable evidence but I won't belabor the point. And please realize that not all NCB advocates swing to the far left of crazy, many are quite discerning. But they are out there, and they are pervasive. I can't help but poke a little fun at their expense.
In all seriousness a little skepticism is healthy, it keeps one from falling prey to unscrupulous individuals that seek to spread misinformation for their own self-serving purpose. And it will keep you from giving money to someone claiming to be the archangel Metatron who will teach you to re-activate your 22 strands of dormant DNA.
http://www.galacticfoundation.com/22strandDNA.html
Betcha thought you only had two!
She called loss moms "crazy"
There are some women out there who dislike our message. Our message and work for safer homebirth standards. While we work to make homebirth safer, we also "battle" women who would rather sweep our loss moms under a rug. What I am posting tonight is an all too familiar example of a woman who dislikes our cause. She believes in Unassisted Birthing, and is very quick to anger and irrationality. She wrote a book called, "In Search of the Perfect Birth. (I highly recommend you don't read this drivel) It's on Amazon, and she regularly attacks her critics. (I once saw a blog completely dedicated to this woman's attack on her readers. If anyone knows the address to it, please send it my way!)
You'll see that not only did she call loss moms "crazy" she also said my blog post yesterday was "absurd."
You see, we are villains, and they are victims. But, I ask you, who is the villain in this tale?
You can click on the pic to make it bigger. (just click on "show original")
After this exchange, and before we could catch it, she posted:
In Search of the Perfect Birth Come: back when you stop twisting words, and until then, you can kindly go fuck yourselves.
Then she promptly deleted the thread!
So, I call for a boycott of "In Search of the Perfect Birth" and her hateful ways. If you, or someone you know follows her on Facebook, Unlike her today!
There is nothing absurd about a woman burying her baby. I hope this woman finds some peace and deals with her demons.
*I'd like to thank Aleah, for her gentle words for Elizabeth, and to Florence for catching that gem before she deleted the thread. Love you guys!
You'll see that not only did she call loss moms "crazy" she also said my blog post yesterday was "absurd."
You see, we are villains, and they are victims. But, I ask you, who is the villain in this tale?
You can click on the pic to make it bigger. (just click on "show original")
After this exchange, and before we could catch it, she posted:
In Search of the Perfect Birth Come: back when you stop twisting words, and until then, you can kindly go fuck yourselves.
Then she promptly deleted the thread!
So, I call for a boycott of "In Search of the Perfect Birth" and her hateful ways. If you, or someone you know follows her on Facebook, Unlike her today!
There is nothing absurd about a woman burying her baby. I hope this woman finds some peace and deals with her demons.
*I'd like to thank Aleah, for her gentle words for Elizabeth, and to Florence for catching that gem before she deleted the thread. Love you guys!
Blogger Spotlight-Mothering Many Feet
This week's blogger spotlight is Bambi from Mothering Many Feet. It was actually through our blogs that Bambi and I connected. We live in the same town, and have become friends! She's a doll, by the way!
Bambi is a homebirth loss mama. She is a strong, beautiful soul working behind the scenes with other wonderful women in an effort to affect change in the homebirth world. You can read her heartbreaking story here. I urge you to go read about Mary Beth and the other babies on Hurt by Homebirth.
Here's a quick interview
1. How long have you been blogging?
I began blogging shortly after my daughter died (June 5th, 2008 was when Mary Beth passed away)
2. How did you choose you blog name?
I chose it because my Screenname on babycenter was momofmanyfeet, which was chosen because I am a mom of so many children. (6 with us and an 3 angel babies!)
3. What inspired you to start blogging?
My daughter's death and seeing the Sanctimommy behavior on so many websites.
4. What post are you most proud of?
Calling Out A Negligent Midwife
5. What post is your least favorite?
Not sure (there isn't one!)
6. What is your favorite blog/blogger?
The Skeptical OB (She totally meant to add Life as 5, right Bambi....right?? )
7. What subject won’t you blog about?
I try to not do blaming posts.
8. What do you find most challenging about blogging about your topic?
Dealing with the people who really just want me to shut up and go away.
9. What is the ultimate goal for your blog?
To encourage homebirth safety
10. What do you want people to take away from reading your blog?
That CPM's are dangerous and that babies really are dying.
I want to thank Bambi for opening herself up and working so hard to help other women and families. Bambi, i'm so glad I'm getting to know you, and i'm grateful to you for sharing your story. Mary Beth is beautiful, and so are you!
Once again, if you or someone you know have been hurt by a negligent midwife, email me at glitrbaby7@aol.com or email Bambi momofmanyfeet@yahoo.com. We're here for you!
Remember to Live
Friday night I had a beautiful dream.
It was bright, and cool breeze blew through my hair. I was bent over a small tree I had just planted, filling in the hole with dirt. I sifted the earth through my fingers, felt it in my hands. I sensed someone, and I squinted into the sun and saw him standing beside me. I felt him lean down next to me, and then he was still...in my dreams he is always very still. I looked at him, he smiled and said, "remember to live." It became an echo, a chime, a song. Over and over, as we knelt in the dirt, as I pressed my hands down, finished patting the dirt around the tree, I heard his voice say to me, "remember to live."
Remember to live.
Thank you Christian.
I miss you everyday.
It was bright, and cool breeze blew through my hair. I was bent over a small tree I had just planted, filling in the hole with dirt. I sifted the earth through my fingers, felt it in my hands. I sensed someone, and I squinted into the sun and saw him standing beside me. I felt him lean down next to me, and then he was still...in my dreams he is always very still. I looked at him, he smiled and said, "remember to live." It became an echo, a chime, a song. Over and over, as we knelt in the dirt, as I pressed my hands down, finished patting the dirt around the tree, I heard his voice say to me, "remember to live."
Remember to live.
Thank you Christian.
I miss you everyday.
 |
Lighter
It's a sweatpants and tee shirt type of day, with a few windows open so the cool November breeze can flow lazily around the house. I love happy mornings, cuddling and cartoons. Hot chocolate made on the stove, a special treat for the little ones. Smiles to fill my heart with joy, and to actually feel it.
I woke up yesterday and I felt weird. I got up and slowly tested the water. I got the kids dressed, no desperate feeling. I got me dressed, still ok. Got breakfast done...dare I say I feel a bit better? I started picking up Ellie's room. Before I knew it I had Ellies room, Noahs room and the toy room cleaned and swept. I did the dishes. I straightened up the kitchen. I didn't feel the desperation to hide, to cry, to lay. I went out with my sister for awhile, we both laughed a few real laughs last night. After I got home I watched a show with my husband, I did a quick straightening of the rooms on commercials, I went to bed without so much weight on my heart. And I woke up without dread.
I haven't taken a nap once this week. I haven't gone to bed after Bob got home from work.
I'm working my way back to normal, finally.
The weight of Christian's loss still lays heart across my heart, still catches my breath, brings tears to my eyes. But i'm changing, I feel ok today. I feel hopeful, ready, awake. Lighter.
I woke up yesterday and I felt weird. I got up and slowly tested the water. I got the kids dressed, no desperate feeling. I got me dressed, still ok. Got breakfast done...dare I say I feel a bit better? I started picking up Ellie's room. Before I knew it I had Ellies room, Noahs room and the toy room cleaned and swept. I did the dishes. I straightened up the kitchen. I didn't feel the desperation to hide, to cry, to lay. I went out with my sister for awhile, we both laughed a few real laughs last night. After I got home I watched a show with my husband, I did a quick straightening of the rooms on commercials, I went to bed without so much weight on my heart. And I woke up without dread.
I haven't taken a nap once this week. I haven't gone to bed after Bob got home from work.
I'm working my way back to normal, finally.
The weight of Christian's loss still lays heart across my heart, still catches my breath, brings tears to my eyes. But i'm changing, I feel ok today. I feel hopeful, ready, awake. Lighter.
A Homebirth Loss Mama Shares Her Story
Most of my readers are unaware of one of my passions. I want to make homebirth safer for women. A fantastic group of women, whom i've grown to love dearly, are working tirelessly behind the scenes (and not so much behind the scenes if you frequent Facebook and certain blogs!) The stories of loss by the hands of unqualified CPMS are haunting and heartbreaking. Here is an example, unfortunately, of what a homebirth shouldn't be. And there is no justice for this wonderful woman and her child.
This comment by the awesome Tara explains more:
This tells a good portion of her story but leaves out some of the most chilling details. The "midwives" Darby Partner and Laura Tanner looked great and talked a good game but failed to deliver on their promises. But worse than that, their actions were self-serving. This was Darby's first primary birth and she wasn't going to have a hospital transport as her first birth. So they in effect, kidnapped Margarita. They took away her phone and forced her friends to leave. M's husband was in India and was not allowed to talk to her. Her friend called the police multiple times and got no help. So Margarita was alone with these charlatans, and in pain and helpless.
They actually left her so they would not have to hear her pleas to go the hospital. They didn't even know enough to tell that they were picking up her heartbeat and not the baby's. They also did not even have a bulb syringe or knowledge of CPR. They forced her to labor for 8 days with all the warning signs. Meconium in the fluid, post dates etc.
They misrepresented themselves and because of the lack of a system that Oregon has there is no way to tell the difference. I saw Darby's and Laura's websites myself, they looked legit. Full of pictures of happy mamas and babies and Darby looking like some benevolent mother earth figure. This is why this mother is fighting so hard, so that no one else is duped by fakers like she was. But is goes deeper than that. Natural child birth and homebirth can be wonderful, but there is an undercurrent of sickly sweet lies that has overtaken the NCB world. The blame lies heavily on the false prophets of the community that peddle the most egregious tripe. They spew such platitudes as no woman can grow a baby she can't birth, and breech is another variation of normal. They employ fearmongering techniques and tell mothers that doctors only want to cut them so they can get to their golf game. They are zealots and they are cult-like in how they maintain rigid control over the content on their sites. Margarita's own story was deleted from the most popular of these pages. They do not allow dissenting points of view and commenter's, myself included, are deleted for raising up a voice of reason.
They deny that there is any risk to birth at all and scoff at known complications like pre-eclampsia, previa and gestational diabetes. Worse, they push bunk remedies like garlic vaginal suppositories for group B strep. They viciously cut down any women who have inductions and c/sections and their followers follow suit. It's common to hear how women who have c sections are selfish and shouldn't be allowed to have children. They have created an impossible ideal in the name of being "natural" and and any woman that doesn't follow in this ideal of homebirth, breastfeeding,cloth diapering,not circing, not vaccinating, etc are denounced and verbally flogged by hundreds of women. I'm actually surprised there aren't more suicides from this, although we hear of a great deal of postpartum depression and difficulties bonding with the children that result from the "failed birth"
I personally know a mother that has spent the last year regretting her homebirth transport and feeling like a failure because of it. Is it any wonder that vulnerable mothers go running to midwives? And these saccharine phonies are there with arms wide open promising to give them the birth experience they always wanted and failing them in the 11th hour. There is nothing we can really do to prevent this kind of propaganda from saturating the internet, but there is damn well something we can do about the lying, self-proclaimed "midwives" that exploit a mother's fears. We need to demand stricter educational standards(25 births, are you kidding me?) mandatory regulations, mandatory licensing, malpractice insurance and the strictest review board that will drop the hammer down on these incompetent wanna-be midwives. You know, what's really sad? Because these midwives aren't insured, there isn't even any civil action that babyloss mothers can seek. They literally get away scott-free. And they go on to harm even more babies and mothers. If they want to be professionals, then they need to be held to professional standards.
Stories like this are sadly not uncommon, and often the loss mother is attacked and blamed by other homebirth and natural childbirth women zealots.
I am not anti-homebirth. I am anti unsafe homebirth. I am pro regulation, pro stricter licensing and more education, pro malpractice insurance, and I am pro harsh punishment for midwives like Margarita's.
Thank you so much, Margarita, for sharing your story and working towards change.
If anyone wants more information, or wants to share their story, email me at glitrbaby7@aol.com and I will point you in the right direction.
This comment by the awesome Tara explains more:
This tells a good portion of her story but leaves out some of the most chilling details. The "midwives" Darby Partner and Laura Tanner looked great and talked a good game but failed to deliver on their promises. But worse than that, their actions were self-serving. This was Darby's first primary birth and she wasn't going to have a hospital transport as her first birth. So they in effect, kidnapped Margarita. They took away her phone and forced her friends to leave. M's husband was in India and was not allowed to talk to her. Her friend called the police multiple times and got no help. So Margarita was alone with these charlatans, and in pain and helpless.
They actually left her so they would not have to hear her pleas to go the hospital. They didn't even know enough to tell that they were picking up her heartbeat and not the baby's. They also did not even have a bulb syringe or knowledge of CPR. They forced her to labor for 8 days with all the warning signs. Meconium in the fluid, post dates etc.
They misrepresented themselves and because of the lack of a system that Oregon has there is no way to tell the difference. I saw Darby's and Laura's websites myself, they looked legit. Full of pictures of happy mamas and babies and Darby looking like some benevolent mother earth figure. This is why this mother is fighting so hard, so that no one else is duped by fakers like she was. But is goes deeper than that. Natural child birth and homebirth can be wonderful, but there is an undercurrent of sickly sweet lies that has overtaken the NCB world. The blame lies heavily on the false prophets of the community that peddle the most egregious tripe. They spew such platitudes as no woman can grow a baby she can't birth, and breech is another variation of normal. They employ fearmongering techniques and tell mothers that doctors only want to cut them so they can get to their golf game. They are zealots and they are cult-like in how they maintain rigid control over the content on their sites. Margarita's own story was deleted from the most popular of these pages. They do not allow dissenting points of view and commenter's, myself included, are deleted for raising up a voice of reason.
They deny that there is any risk to birth at all and scoff at known complications like pre-eclampsia, previa and gestational diabetes. Worse, they push bunk remedies like garlic vaginal suppositories for group B strep. They viciously cut down any women who have inductions and c/sections and their followers follow suit. It's common to hear how women who have c sections are selfish and shouldn't be allowed to have children. They have created an impossible ideal in the name of being "natural" and and any woman that doesn't follow in this ideal of homebirth, breastfeeding,cloth diapering,not circing, not vaccinating, etc are denounced and verbally flogged by hundreds of women. I'm actually surprised there aren't more suicides from this, although we hear of a great deal of postpartum depression and difficulties bonding with the children that result from the "failed birth"
I personally know a mother that has spent the last year regretting her homebirth transport and feeling like a failure because of it. Is it any wonder that vulnerable mothers go running to midwives? And these saccharine phonies are there with arms wide open promising to give them the birth experience they always wanted and failing them in the 11th hour. There is nothing we can really do to prevent this kind of propaganda from saturating the internet, but there is damn well something we can do about the lying, self-proclaimed "midwives" that exploit a mother's fears. We need to demand stricter educational standards(25 births, are you kidding me?) mandatory regulations, mandatory licensing, malpractice insurance and the strictest review board that will drop the hammer down on these incompetent wanna-be midwives. You know, what's really sad? Because these midwives aren't insured, there isn't even any civil action that babyloss mothers can seek. They literally get away scott-free. And they go on to harm even more babies and mothers. If they want to be professionals, then they need to be held to professional standards.
Stories like this are sadly not uncommon, and often the loss mother is attacked and blamed by other homebirth and natural childbirth women zealots.
I am not anti-homebirth. I am anti unsafe homebirth. I am pro regulation, pro stricter licensing and more education, pro malpractice insurance, and I am pro harsh punishment for midwives like Margarita's.
Thank you so much, Margarita, for sharing your story and working towards change.
If anyone wants more information, or wants to share their story, email me at glitrbaby7@aol.com and I will point you in the right direction.
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