Through a child's eyes

Grief, and love through a seven year old eyes.

Unprompted, my niece started drawing at my parent's house yesterday. She loves her Uncle, and with that love gave us a memory we will cherish forever.  Aren't they beautiful?

Time for Reflection

I've read so many stories and blog posts today about 9/11.  It's amazing how everyone remembers what they were doing and how they felt that day. 

Me?  I was in beauty school trying to wrap a perm onto a mannequins head.  It came on the radio...

What I remember the most about that day is a few of the women panicking. They had children, and they left to go get them from school.

I didn't understand that fear, the fear that made them run out of the building and to their family, until I had one of my own.  Now I know.

The tragedy from 10 years ago, and the tragedy from two weeks ago make me hold my babies tighter, speak a little softer, cuddle a little longer.  

I sit here with thanks for what I've been blessed with.

I have a lot of prayers to say tonight. 

What memory is most vivid to you from 9/11?

Love and Peace.

Working towards normal

I want to send out a big thank you to all the kind thoughts and comments my bloggy friends. Also, thanks for sticking around through my intermittent posting and commenting on your blogs.

I'm trying to navigate the rough waters of grief with my sister and family, and to hear a kind word from you guys always brightens my day!

I decided last night to work really hard to get out of my depressive funk. I did pretty good today. Got the kids and I dressed, cleaned the kitchen, made three good meals, and made a free form apple pie spur of the moment.  I laughed and played with my kiddos. Just tried to stay busy. I feel like I kicked today's ass, in a good way.  Anyone who has battled depression knows how hard it is to just do normal, everyday things. 

I have so much I want to blog about, but I can't seem to get it out.  I get to restless and jumpy when I try to write.  Sooooo, this is all for tonight.  Once again, thanks for the kind thoughts and prayers.  I truly appreciate them.

Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith.
 -Author Unknown

For Christian

It's been a week I have no words for right now.  As you guys saw, my dear brother in law passed away.  This last week has been spent with my family, as we've been helping each other through the grieving process.  And my sister, she has been amazingly strong, I am in awe of her.  But that is a post for another day.  Tonight I'm going to share with you what I wrote (and my brother read) for our sweet boy's eulogy: 

I am sitting here trying to write about all the things Christian was. But, all I can think about are the things he’ll never be, the dreams that will never come true.

But I hear this whisper in my ear saying, celebrate me.

Christian had many titles, Son, brother, husband, brother in law, friend, uncle, nephew. He was so many things to so many people, it’s impossible to list.

He was a son. I can’t say if he was well behaved when he was young, but from what I have seen these last few years, I doubt it. But, I can imagine being angry with him was difficult when he flashed that wide, beautiful smile.

Speaking of that smile- it was often so contagious. There are countless times that Christian could bring a whole room to a roar of laughter almost instantly. He had such a goofy, fun-loving personality that anyone who spent any time with him couldn’t help but love him. And he loved his family and friends just as much as they loved him. Christian was lucky enough to have Mike as a best friend and the gift of their friendship is a bond that will never be broken.

He loved to farm. To be so young and to know what you wanted to do the rest of your life is such a gift. He wanted to be like his Father, and he was. Strong, kind, hardworking. He loved the land, and it was a part of him.

He loved my sister. He loved her so much he waited for her, pestered her, and finally got her to go on a date. He knew who the love of his life was, even if it took a little while for him to get her on the same page. The day they got married, Christian cried. You could feel how much he loved her, how much their love changed each other. It was a moment I cherish. He loved her with every bit of himself, in his soul. There were hundreds of people there, and all he saw was her. That is a pure, innocent, forever kind of love.

If there is anything Christian would want Stacey to remember, I believe the song Lullaby, says it all.

Good night my angel time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day
I think I know what you've been asking me
I think you know what I've been trying to say

I promised I would never leave you
And you should always know
Where ever you may go
No matter where you are
I never will be far away

Good night my angel now it's time to sleep
And still so many things I want to say
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay

And like a boat out on the ocean
I'm rocking you to sleep
The water's dark and deep
Inside this ancient heart
You'll always be a part of me

Goodnight my angel now it's time to dream
And dream how wonderful your life will be
Someday your child will cry and if you sing this lullaby
Then in your heart there will always be a part of me

Someday we'll all be gone
But lullabies go on and on
They never die that's how you and I will be

Christian- we love you and you will always be in our hearts.