Back to School

The winding down of summer vacation for my daughter and I.

We sit here tonight watching a movie.  It's become our nightly ritual.  Babies to bed, then me in my chair and she on the couch.  Sprawled, while I introduce her to Back to the Future and she makes me watch girlie movies. The night winds down with us together, for just a little longer. 

Monday starts a new adventure. Middle school. Walking around the halls with her at open house the other night; watching her blush at her new teachers, smile at old friends, wrestle with her locker combination made my heart ache.  She stayed close to her dad and I, not leading the way until I gently prompted her.  Looking at us for reassurance, she nervously took the reins. 

She found her rooms, she mastered opening her locker, she smiled at future friends.  Giggled at me when I told her her teacher was cute, when I made her laugh so she would forget she was nervous.

She's going from my curly haired two year old to a flat-ironed, clothes and shoe obsessed pre-teen so fast I can't keep up. 

So here we sit, my girl and I.  She has no idea how much pride overflows from me.  She's been through so much in eleven years, and she is nothing but awesome.  Ok, sometimes she's a pain in the ass.  So let's call it 99% of the time she's awesome. 

6th grade, am I ready for this?

They Own My Heart

I love how each of my kids brings something different to my life. 

This one?  She taught me what it means to be a mom. What fighting for you child really means.  Someday I'll be able to call her mine completely. When we have the money we can get this long overdue adoption done, and the circle will be complete.

Then my boy came along, and he was a dream come true.  He has taught me what unselfish love really means.  Everyday he brings sunshine to my life.  There's nothing quite like a love between a mama and her boy.

And last, but certainly not least, is my little bean. Our unexpected blessing. She makes me laugh everyday.  No matter what we are going through, the joy that flows from her lifts us up. She has taught me how deep my faith really runs. 

When I'm down, they are what get me through the days. These faces, and my family.  I would be nothing without them.  Their smiles, hugs, kisses, and "I love yous," let me know that no matter how bad I feel about myself, they still think I'm a good mama.

All different, but they all have the same thing in common, they own my heart.

Thought Vomit

First of all, whoever just quit following my blog, poop on you, yo!

I have been a total blog slacker the last few weeks.  I haven't been making my rounds or commenting.  I'm sorry my bloggy friends.  I have been reading your blogs, I promise!

I've been in a funk. Funk-ola. Down and out. Low. Sad. Poopy. Grumpy. Tired.

My old friend depression has come to visit. 

That fickle bitch.

It's like wading through jello everyday, I hate it.  I couldn't sleep (surprise) the other night and I wrote out a long email to my mama and sis. I called in the Calvary. 

I have lists to accomplish.  I have a plan.

I love my family.

Ellie's head tremor has made an unwelcome reappearance.  We have an MRI next Thursday.  I asked the doctor if they could put me under, too.  I am not looking forward to her being knocked out.  My poor little bean.  Anyone have a Xanax?

Oooo, and they cut my husbands hours at work, which is always fun when you know, you have bills, and you have kids that ask for food.  Thanks for nothing, you giant bunch of rich buttlickers my husband works for.  If I could type out the noise blowing a raspberry makes, I totally would. Because I'm that hardcore.

And last but not least, my cat is sick. Yay for cleaning up cat puke!  He is glued to my side, and I have an interesting variety of claw marks from me trying to remove him from my lap.  I love my cat, and i'm sad he's sick, but if he claws me again i'm going to poke him in the eye.

So that's what's going on in my world. 

I am skulking around my house feeling sorry for myself. I need a fainting couch when it all gets to be too much and I need to throw myself onto something.

Woe is me.  Woooooooeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I know the truth

Who decides who is worthy
to live and die
The endless depths of my child's eyes
strike you down
Who deemed me unworthy
to be a mother
Because of the scar on my belly

To say a child dying
is better than
the mark on my skin

Who are you to judge the way I birth
The depth of my soul
has an infinite love
that you cannot recognize

We are human
we are flawed
but you make fools of us all

when you spout your edict
that death is preferred

Your cause
is not my cause

It is you
who is not worthy
to stand in the light
of my children's laughter
as you spew your hate
into this world

I did not carry
my oldest child
Did not form her in my womb
She did not fight towards the light
as she left my body
Is she not mine

I can map her features
I know her in my bones
Am I not worthy
to hear her call me Mother

What makes a mother
is it the pain of childbirth
or is it love
Is it an ideal
or is it sacred bond
unbreakable by time

You deem me less than
but you are wrong

through all of time
beginning to end
there will never be
a love like mine

It is unique
one heart overflowing
as I raise three beings
from babe to adult

Cower before my love
bathe in your weakness
who say their way is right
who equate childbirth
with being a woman

Who is the real woman
who carries her children to safety
or who lets a child die
and dismisses the death
for an agenda

My children will not die for you

Call me naive
ill informed

As I dance with my children
as I rock them to sleep
as I trace the planes of their face
whisper in their ears

I know the true sacrifice
to be a mother
is no sacrifice at all

Your Child's Writing Life

Your Child’s Writing Life: How to Inspire Confidence, Creativity, and Skill at Every Age by Pam Allyn is an excellent resource for parents who are looking to cultivate their child’s creativity through writing. The book offers detailed tips to help you get a jump start on your children’s writing skills.

In one chapter Allyn outlines the developmental stage in the writing life of a child, from age’s two to twelve. She recommends activities to inspire the love of writing and specific books that will aid them in their journey. Since my kid’s ages go from almost two to eleven, it was like this book was written for me specifically!

I appreciate her emphasis to read, read, and read with our children. My love of reading extends into my everyday life, and I hope to pass that along to my kids. This book has taught me how to take my love of reading and writing, and foster that into my children. There really are so many helpful tips, I love the writing prompts.

I believe that so much emphasis is put on reading skills, that writing skills have taken a backseat. I know my oldest daughter is not a fantastic writer.  I hope to change that using this book! This is one of my favorite quotes from Your Child’s Writing Life: "Reading and writing are inextricably connected in ways that current research in education is showing to be more remarkable than we've ever understood before. It is a constant circle and we are often missing half of it. A child who reads regularly is a better writer. A child who writes regularly is a better reader."

I highly recommend picking this book up. I am going to start utilizing the advice in this book, to inspire my children to use their imagination and create worlds with their words!

*I was given a copy of this book to review, all opinions expressed are my own.

Blogger Spotlight-Boerman Ramblings

This week's blog spotlight is Chrissy from Boerman Ramblings.  And anyone who reads my blog knows I think she's the bees knees.   I love her Etsy shop, it's awesomesauce!  And she's super crafty...I totally have a girl crush on her.

Love her!

Here's our interview:

1. How long have you been blogging?
I have been blogging since 2006 but did not really take it serious until Dec 2010. Now I make sure a conscious effort to post and take pictures.

2. How did you choose you blog name?
Oh my Blog name. That has change so many times over the years. When I first started my blog it was for out of state family to catch up on what we were doing. So I think my first name was "the Boerman's" , Then I changed it to "Boerman Family Updates", In 2010 I decided to use my blog for just more than family updates and just changed it "Boerman Ramblings", with the tag line sew, craft, create share, inspire. It's just a little of this and a little of that all rolled into one blog by me!

3. What inspired you to start blogging?
I needed a place where I could showcase my crafty ideas, and document all the things from my daily life and my love for Jesus. Along with being able to share thoughts that I am not comfortable sharing out loud. Sometimes I have ideas in my head that my real life friends may think are nutty but people in "bloggy" world totally understand!

4. What post are you most proud of?

It's a toss up. Between Who am I?
This post sparked a new path in my life. I was able to write out my testimony and share it with my church. It means a lot to me that so many people could relate and I was not alone. And my purity post at Smitten by a promise : This post is very personal and leaves me very vulnerable. I share some of my most intimate secrets there. Both post left me feeling more free.

5. What post is your least favorite? a post I did about a relationship website. I joined a site called social spark where you get paid to blog on topics. For someone I agreed to blog about a site I did not really care for. Sometimes we call do dumb things!

6. What is your favorite blog/blogger?
I would have to say The Nato's ( I mean this girl is funny, she as real story that inspires so many and she loves Jesus so openly. She is my real life super woman!
Of course I love me some Life as 5, retrohipmama, amanda lynne designs, smith family of 4, little miss momma, and the list goes on and on!

7. What subject won't you blog about?
POLITICS... don't care about them!

8. What do you find most challenging about blogging about your topic?
That don't really have a topic! I am never sure what's fair game to blog about. I feel like I am not crafty enough or it's too crafty, too much personal info, not enough. Ugh so many insecurities I tell ya!

9. What is the ultimate goal for your blog?
To be a place where people can find a little of something to relate to. That Jesus gets all the Glory. That I could eventually earn a significant income for my family by blogging and my etsy shop (

10. What do you want people to take away from reading your blog?
That I am just a girl, nothing special, lots of baggage, trying to keep it real. With fun, crafts, recipes, and giveaways all in between.

I'm so happy Chrissy is my Blogger spotlight this week! So go check out her awesome blog and give her Etsy site a visit while you're at it!

What We Have

This pretty much sums up our weekend:

There are times when you look around at the utter chaos that is your home and think, this is life.
I was so busy rocking baby dolls, driving cars, being a dinosaur, and praising crayon scribbles I forgot to worry about the crumbs in the kitchen. 

As I thumb tacked dinosaur posters bought at a library book sale all over my son's bedroom today, I watched his eyes dance in delight.  Not fancy decorating, but he thinks they are amazing. 

There is the choice, do the dishes or help Ellie swaddle her baby in a blanket?  To tickle feet,to fold some clothes,  to take an afternoon nap with a little warm body pressed into my back?

I always choose a nap!

So we have fingerprints and dustbunnies, stains and crayon on the walls.  We also have blocks to build and play-doh to shape.

The house looks lived in-because we live in it.  We play, and sleep, and eat, and toss into piles, and forget, and get to it eventually.  We have what is that stain and how the hell did they get a pen and mommy can I sleep with your blanket?

We have old sheets, and questionable wallpaper. We have old carpet and ugly cabinets.  We have mismatched furniture and secondhand couches. 

But we have so much more than our stuff.

We have love...oh so much love. 

We have trusting eyes and wide smiles.  We have little bow legs following us down the hall, we have one more kiss before bed, tiny arms wrapped around our neck.  We have one more peek before we lay down for the night, closed eyes and even breathing our cue to finally rest. 

We have prayers as we lay, thanking God for more love than we ever dreamed of.

We get to wake up and do it all again tomorrow.

11 signs you have an 11 year old.

1. Your name has  gone from Mommy to MooooOoOOoooom.

2. The big, clunky plastic necklaces and bracelets are being replaced by more sophisticated items, such as Justin Beiber dog tags and earrings that look like cupcakes and zippers.

3. Everything they wear is a blinding neon color, which causes headache and temporary blindness when you look at them before you 've had your coffee.

4. While out in public, they want to carry your car keys/cell phone or other paraphernalia because they think will fool others around them into thinking they are at least 16.

5. They are willing their boobs and feet to grow.  Neither is moving fast enough for their liking.

6. You start hearing things like "but why can't I have a Facebook page/cell phone/pet unicorn all my friends do" with alarming frequency.

7. They know where babies come from, so now you have gone from a beautiful glittering fairy mommy who magically became pregnant with their siblings to someone...kind of gross.

8. Their palates have become far too sophisticated for the children's menu.

9. You can't listen to Prince while they are in the car with you, they start asking questions. "What does a horse in your pocket mean?"

10. They beg you to let them shave their legs, but you have to almost force them to brush their teeth and wash themselves. 

11. They are starting to realize that you are a drooling moron and they are a freaking genius. Of course.

Blog Rerun - I Miss You

I've been thinking about my Grandma Virginia a lot lately.  She kept telling me things were going to work out for me, Bobby, and the kids. It took losing her for me to finally believe her.  It took losing her for me to realize a lot of things.

It got tiring, the same old stories, all her complaints, how faraway from us she was.  The way she wasn't taking care of herself irritated me, and everyone else in my family. When Grandpa died, most of her did, too. But, there was a glimmer of her left, that little bit of her that would come out when we needed it the most...I miss her. 

There are things I beat myself up over.  I should have paid closer attention when she made her spaghetti sauce, I just can't get mine to taste like hers.  I should have watched her make meatballs, chicken noodle soup, her Italian cookies.  I should have drank in her smiles, her laughter, the way she smelled...

The last day I saw her at the hospital, she was sleeping when I waddled my almost 9 months pregnant body into her room, and plopped into a chair.  I just let her sleep, and I watched TV with the lady in the next bed, and held my belly while Elise kicked around.  It was quiet, peaceful.  When she woke up, she told me she didn't feel good, while she picked at her dinner. We talked about my upcoming c-section, and how excited she was, and how she knew that this little one was going to have dark hair.  When I got up to leave, I pinned Noah's one year picture up on her little board on the wall where she could see it.  I kissed her goodbye, and she told me she just wanted to come home.  That she was coming home at the end of the week. 

Sometimes, when something happens, when you lose someone, it's a blur.  The next day was anything but a blur.  The hospital called for my dad to come up, her body was shutting down and they didn't know why.  A few hours later we all gathered in that waiting area, waiting for some news.  I felt every single minute when we were sitting there.  When we went to the cafeteria to eat, when we went back up, every minute felt like hours.  I felt this...panic inside.  I tried to remain as calm as I could, tried to ignore the dread creeping up my spine. 

When they said we could go see her, I couldn't do it.  I could not go say goodbye to my Grandma. They weren't sure if it was goodbye yet, but I think we all knew it was.  I was afraid to face that pain, being so pregnant.  I wasn't strong enough..and a few hours later, she was gone. 

I couldn't break down, I just tried to stay calm for the baby inside me.  I felt weird, out of whack, wrong.  I wanted to scream, throw things, wail..but I just sat there.  I cried at the funeral, when my brother's voice broke up on that podium, talking about her.  I cried when I didn't feel good those few days, told my mom and dad I wished I had some chicken noodle soup from Grandma, but I never let myself feel that loss.

I cried a few weeks later on the way to the hospital, the morning I had my c-section. I cried because I was nervous, because I was happy, and because I knew she wasn't going to be there to hold my baby.  I cried harder when they pulled Elise out and Bobby answered yes to the first question I asked him, if she had dark hair like Grandma wanted.  

I finally broke down one night in the hospital.  I was all by myself, Ellie was in the nursery for the night.  I was full of emotions, so happy my baby was here, but still grieving that loss.  I could finally let myself feel that stabbing pain of loss I held in those last few weeks.  What a horrible night to be alone. 

Those holes inside you, those holes that can only be filled by those people that have left this world, you learn to live with them. But, that pain is always there.  That pang I got the other day when I found a card my Grandpa Dilas sent me that he wrote "be my Valentine" on.  When I was sewing Noah's dinosaur, oh so badly, I knew my Grandpa Mario would have thought my sewing was hilarious.  When I miss them so much, because I know they are really gone.  The way I'm crying right now, thinking about her, while it's pouring down rain outside.  I still miss her terribly, and I feel guilty because I was so damn irritated with her because she was so miserable.  I'm sorry, Grandma. 

She was right though, things are getting better.  She knew what she was talking about.  I wished I would have listened closer to what she was telling me. Well Grandma, I'm listening now. 

I love you. 

That dark haired baby she dreamed about.   She got her wish...until Ellie's hair came in lighter, that is.

 The history of our grandparents
 is remembered not with rose petals
but in the laughter and tears of their children
and their children's children.
It is into us that the lives
of grandparents have gone.
It is in us that their history becomes a future.
-Charles and Ann Morse

As long as I can
I will look at this world for both of us. 
As long as I can I will laugh with the birds,
I will sing with the flowers,
I will pray to the stars,
 for both of us. 

Book Review-Restless in Carolina.

Restless in Carolina by Tamara Leigh stars Bridget Pickwick-Buchanan, a “tree-huggin’, animal-lovin’,” widow. She is on a mission to find a buyer for her family’s estate. She is set on finding an eco-friendly developer, which leads her to J.C Dirk. Hijinks ensue, they fall in love, and they all live happily ever after.

I was not a fan of this book. I liked the premise, but it didn’t deliver. Bridget is a supposed strong willed woman, yet bows to everyone around her. She still wears her wedding ring even though she’s been widowed for four years; obviously she wears it for her own personal reasons. At the urging of her sister, and against her own wishes, she takes it off. She has dreadlocks, but gets them taken out so she can pretend to be something she’s not to get the developers attention. There are the typical, ridiculous misunderstandings that would never happen in real life and “gee I’m a different kind of gal, all free spirited and stuff so I’m misunderstood” moments.

It’s 2011 people, let’s get it together. Women do not act like this, and if they do I don’t want to read about them. Nothing about this main character was strong, willful, or odd; unless you count hauling around a pet opossum in a fanny pack as being a rebel. This is the third in a series, and I haven’t read the other two. I can only imagine how the writer portrays women in those. I would not recommend this book, unless you enjoy fluff where a woman bends and breaks to everyone around her.

*I received this book from the publisher in exchange for a review, all opinions expressed are my own.

Blogger Spotlight-Our House of Pink!

This week's Blogger Spotlight is Megan from Our House of Pink.  She has two cute little girlies, and one more on the way!  I've been a faithful follower of her blog for awhile.  I'm glad she's my spotlight this week!

Look at that cutie patootie and her precious babes!

Here's our interview:

1. How long have you been blogging?
Since November 2010. But I didn't really get into it until the beginning of this year.

2. How did you choose you blog name?
We have two girls; ages 4 1/2 years and 15 months. EVERYTHING in my house is pink. Literally. We don't have any unisex toys, except our jumperoo. We found out we were expecting in April of this year, due in November. I was a little worried what would happen if we were having a boy. I thought I could change the name to "Our House of Pink with a Little Blue" but we're having another girl. So, now my blog name definitely fits.

3. What inspired you to start blogging?
Kelle Hampton from Enjoying The Small Things. I found her blog and was reading it before I even started blogging. Her words and the way she describes her life...that those moments will be forever recorded for her daughters to read when they are older inspired me to do the same for my girls.

4. What post are you most proud of?
I would have to say my post called Let’s Be Honest. It’s about me having clef lip and worrying about my daughters having it while pregnant. It was very hard to write, to admit to people who wouldn’t know otherwise that I have it, and even harder to know that people could read it who have made fun of me because of it.

(The link to that post: )

5. What post is your least favorite?
This is an easy one. My very first post. It was a paragraph long. I had no idea what to write or how to start.

6. What is your favorite blog/blogger?
If I could only choose one is would be Kelle Hampton. A few favorites after that would be: The Busy Budgeting Mama; Behind the Moon; Young House Love; Finding Joy; Life as 5.

7. What subject won’t you blog about?
I would never blog about something that I don’t want my children to read about later in life.

8. What do you find most challenging about blogging about your topic?
Writing something that others would be interested in. Some weeks I find it hard to write and those posts are only so-so. While other weeks I could write 3 posts a day.

9. What is the ultimate goal for your blog?
To keep an online journal of my daughters lives, and maybe if I’m lucky one day my blog will be well known and I’ll get paid to write. A girl can dream right??

10. What do you want people to take away from reading your blog?
I hope that there are posts that people read and can relate to. That they can take something from it whether it’s strength to change something or just knowing that someone else is out there that knows what they are going through.

Thanks for the great interview, Megan!  Everyone go and show Our House of Pink some love!