I want money, lots and lots of money...

I was sitting in a mall on Wednesday looking around at all these fancy stores and I wondered what it would feel like, to be able to just buy whatever you want. 

What does that feel like?  To just shop?

To not be crouched over in the food court counting what's left of your fast dwindling money wondering why you even came on a vacation you can't afford in the first place?

I watched a woman buy her teenage daughter a fancy new cover for her expensive phone while I clutched my secondhand from my mom-because ours broke-no bells and whistles-phone in my hand. 

I know why we're poor.  It's not a mystery. It's the choice we made so I can stay home. Most of the time I don't care, I take deep pride in being a stay at home mama to my babies. 

Sometimes though, I want to just buy shit I don't need. 

I wanted to buy Emily that hideously ugly skirt she loved at Saks. I wanted to buy Ellie this giant stuffed dog she shed tears over because we had to leave it behind at the toy store.  I wanted to buy Noah a giant dinosaur and my husband more than his one hat a year.  I wanted to buy Bob and I clothes that aren't three years old, and worn thin. 

I just wanted, for a few moments, to forget.

Who hasn't prayed for money to fall into their lap...?

I hate that hesitation when one of my kids hands me something they want.  That hesitation while I flip it over to look at the price, because I know I'm going to have to tell them no. 

I have to tell myself no all the time. At the grocery store, when something is too expensive. When I need new clothes or shoes, or I want something for the house.  Sometimes I want it to be a yes. 

I try to live simply, and be grateful for what I have. Is it wrong to want to be someone else for a day, to be greedy?

Is it selfish of me to want things I don't need or do need but can't have....?

Giveaway Winner!

Just got back from our little vacation and I thought it would be a great time to pick a winner for the giveaway! 

Here it is!

Commenter number 8 is Megan!

Congrats Megan!  I'm so jealous of you!  Enjoy your awesome necklace.

Email your info to me at glitrbaby7@aol.com. : )

Guest Post-My Sister

My next guest blogger is my dear sister.  Everytime I read what she wrote, I cry.  I love you, sis!

My Sister

When my sister asked me to be a guest writer for her blog while she is on her much deserved vacation, I nearly panicked.

I look forward to each night, reading what my sister has shared- it seems to come to her with such ease. Most times she says things that I feel as well, especially when she talks about our family or lost loved ones.

So, here I sit, Housewives of New York City playing in the background, racking my brain with things to share. When the answer is clear- my sister is always sharing her thoughts and feelings about others- her children, her husband, her family members, hilarious things she observes- but never about how amazing she really is.

So here it goes...

To big sister, from baby sister-

A list of things I love, admire, and cherish about you:


1. Everything you are as a mother & wife. The indescribable love you show for your children. The sheer happiness on your children's faces when they see you walk in the room. I could not ask for a better role model.

2. The sacrifices you make for your family, that maybe I do not understand all the time, but respect.

3. The indescribable love you show to our nieces and nephew- knowing that one day you will show that same love to my children.

4. Your complete and utter honesty- the way you say things that I would never have guts to say.

5. Your ability to cook- but, not only to cook, but to create- I can see you looking in the pantry- coming up with something delicious in your head. Christian thanks you for sharing your recipes with me :)

6. Your amazing artistic ability that you keep hidden from others- that I used to envy so much when I was younger sitting in art class on Saturday mornings- that I still do envy.

7. Your ability to be my big sister- but, also my friend. The ease with which we sit and talk while sipping our cherished Starbucks in the morning. On that note- I never do understand how people say their sister is their best friend- I know that my sister is more than a best friend- MORE than that title, just something more.

8.....How we can be so different, yet so much alike. How we understand and know each other like no one else can. How sadness pangs in your heart, as it does mine, when you think of our lost grandparents. How much I love your children- and how much I see of you in their little faces. How we used to fight when we were young- but, how close we have become.

I feel like the list could go on forever. I just want you to know I love you, and look up to you in every way possible. You are an amazing big sister, wife, mother, writer...and the list goes on.

The Mom Union

I'd like to thank Kathy from My Dishwashers Possessed for graciously taking a turn posting on my blog while I'm on vacation!

The Mom Union

I belong to, arguably the oldest union in the world, ‘The United Federation of Moms.”

I was issued my “card” 12 years ago when I had my first child. I held my beautiful boy in my arms and became a proud member. Whenever I am facing a particular pesky parenting problem with one of my children, I fall back on the safety of my fellow members.

Mom: Why can’t I have ice cream for breakfast? Why can’t I jump off my bunk bed into 20 pillows? Why can’t I go without my hat and scarf during a blizzard?

I have found the quickest answer to be, “It is against Union Rules.” Believe it or not, this works most of the time.

I found my relationship with other mothers to be vital to my sanity as well as my parenting. Who but another mother knows what it feels like to love somebody so much you feel like your heart is going to explode? Or be driven so crazy by the same child that you find yourself singing “brush your teeth and go to bed” to the tune of “Jingle Bells,” because you are getting tired of your own voice and you need a little variety.

When I had my first child, we had recently moved to Queens from Manhattan, and I found myself a little isolated from the world I knew and a world I had not completely joined yet. I retired from my office job and found myself alone and lonely. The long hours my husband worked seemed endless, now that I was by myself with my wonderful but completely baffling baby.

I needed friends.

I often joked that I felt like a single woman cruising the bars when I would go out searching for mom friends. I would walk the streets of Queens looking for women pushing strollers. I went to Dunkin’ Donuts so often in that first year that the people behind the counter bought my son a Christmas gift. He still has the stuffed bear!

I still remember the day I met Debbie. She was walking to Dunkin’ Donuts, and I was on my way home. We exchanged numbers and a friendship was born. Many cups of coffee were drunk quieting and entertaining babies. Soon after I met Debbie, we met a few other moms and formed a mothers’ group. Our union local was born!

We cheered each milestone our children reached and worried when there was a problem. We saw each other through sleepless nights, trips to the emergency rooms, speech delays, and the terrible twos.

I was looking over some pictures from my son’s first birthday party, and there we all were. We looked so happy sitting in my basement that was decorated with Blues Clues balloons, holding our babies, and feeding them their first tastes of pizza and cake.

Eventually I moved, we all had other children, and our lives moved on. I found other moms, formed new alliances, and they did too. But the lessons I learned from that time stay with me today. I needed those women to get me through the baby and toddler years, just like I need the friends today that see me through middle school and homework and cases of bad attitudes. I am a better mother because of my mommy friendships.

I am a very proud member of the United Federation of Moms.


*I first published this piece back in December on my blog at Momster.com, where I started "My dishwasher's possessed!" I published under the name Blessedmomof3, which of course I am! I'm so thrilled that Lindsay asked me to guest post and that I have a chance to use some of the work I did before I moved over to Blogspot!

Guest Post-Sarah from This Writer's Journey

I'd like to thank Sarah from This Writer's Journey for taking the time to guest post on my blog while I'm off vacationing with my family! 

Hello Lindsay’s followers! My name is Sarah the Writer and my blog is called This Writer’s Journey. I’m probably one of few non-moms whom Lindsay has met at voiceBoks but as a former kid and a current 20something who loves spending time with her family, I always have something to say :)


Actually, I haven’t even entered the working world yet. You see, I graduated from high school in 2005 and have been in college ever since! I just graduated from college in June, which for some reason seemed to be a bigger accomplishment than if I had graduated last year as planned. The only explanation I have for why it took this long is that I kept having to change majors. And each time I did, it was reluctantly but after a lot of consideration.

My “major” journey started when I was 12, when I first decided I wanted to be a writer. In high school, when I was starting to plan for college, I knew this plan meant that I would be an English major. However, my senior year, I started to think realistically (I do that often when watching TV and movies nowadays) and realized that I needed a backup plan just in case I couldn’t find a publisher or my books wouldn’t sell very quickly. So I decided that in college I would major in English Education. After all, many of my favorite teachers had been my English teachers. To keep with my dream of being a writer, I could minor in Creative Writing. Perfect fit, right?

Wrong! At my college, part of the English Education program is to take the same literary analysis classes that English majors have to take. And during my first quarter of these classes, I discovered that I’m horrible at analyzing literature. Granted, it didn’t help that I took three of those classes in one quarter, but I’m not sure that was the only factor. Still, I knew I had to change my major.

It didn’t take me long to decide to change majors (it couldn’t have – I only gave myself the three weeklong Winter Break between quarters to decide). The thing is, I was almost done with the required professional education courses and I didn’t want those to go to waste. So I decided to change to Elementary Education. I had always liked working with kids and the thought of teaching high schoolers intimidated me (specifically the image of a big football/basketball player coming up to me and wondering why he has to read a book he can’t relate to. To me, this was scary). Fortunately, I was able to keep my minor.

The change worked – for a while. Sure, I hit some bumps, especially when I was required to actually teach (for some strange reason, I thought it was going to be easy. Experience is the best teacher). Then came student teaching.

Student teaching was fine at first. I got along with my cooperating teacher and I taught fairly well. But as the weeks went on, the stress and lack of sleep got to me. Then, in the middle of the quarter, I met with my teacher, my supervisor, the school’s principal, and the director of field experiences from my college. They had all observed me teaching and they all decided that I wasn’t yet ready to be a teacher.

I cried for days, thinking that I would never graduate. Then, a family friend of ours suggested that I talk to my college’s career services, take some interest inventories (kind of like personality quizzes, only they also list possible careers that match up with the personality), and decide what I should do next.

So I did, and while the inventories did suggest that teaching was for me, some of the other information – like that I process questions and information – lined up with what I was told on my last day of student teaching. After weeks of thinking (like I said – processing information), I decided to change majors AGAIN, back to English, this time with a focus on writing. Because my Creative Writing minor overlapped with the major too much, I had to drop it. The plus side of the minor was that I had already finished half of my new major. All I had to take was a few required classes and some professional writing classes. I finished them this past spring and was able to walk at commencement on June 11.

So as you can see, it was a long journey to wear that crimson cap and gown. Now, like many other college graduates over the past few years, I’m unemployed and searching for work. I do still like working with kids so I’m hoping to get a job as a Para educator (also called a teacher’s assistant) or an administrative assistant – two positions I’ve volunteered at or had as a student (respectively) and enjoyed, not to mention was good at. But for now, I search for jobs, spend time with family, and hang out online while catching up with my crime/cop dramas.

Once again, Thank you Sarah!  Hope everyone has a fabulous week!

Real Mommy Awards

So, I was awarded the Blog on Fire award yesterday. 

Why?

Because I'm awesome, that's why!

Rude...

Anyway, I love that we're able to award and recognize our fellow bloggers whom we like and admire. 

What we need are some real life awards!  To, y'know, make us feel special, and to help us refrain from banging our heads on the wall.

I've created a few awards, and I pass these bad boys on to any mama who can relate. 

Cheers to real life!

Happy Friday!

It's a Major Award!

Guess what?  Someone likes me. 

Yep, that's right, ME. Not. Kidding.

I have proof:




Is it hot in here, or is it just me?

The darling Mandi from Smile and Mama With Me  has awarded me the Blog on Fire Award.  Much thanks to my fellow smokin' awesome bloggy amigo!  Go visit her blog and say hello.

I am supposed to tell you 7 things about me and pass it on to 10 blogs that light me on fire...

7 more things about me? Yikes. Is there anything left? 

1. When I'm bored I search through message boards on BabyCenter and Facebook Pages looking for extra crazy people.  Lindsay loves the crazy.  If someone is paranoid, rudely religious, obsessed with making other people breastfeed, or convinced of anything to the point of arguing, then I'm entertained for an afternoon.  I'm like a Succubus that gets nourishment from bat-shit crazy people.

2. When I worked retail my favorite part of the job was when I got to tell someone they couldn't return something.  I never felt bad.  I still don't, people out there whoms spirits I crushed.  Yeah, I'm talking to you man at Spencer's who screamed at me because you couldn't return your freaking fog juice.  Now I'm pissed all over again.  I hope something shits in your mouth tonight!

3. I enjoy a well placed run-on cuss word.  Like: you son-of-a-bitchin-whore-face-piece-of-shit-spider!  (said whilst sweeping said monster spider up in the vacuum)

4. My dear, sorely missed Grandma Virginia taught me a rhyme when I was little. "When I die, bury me, hang my balls from a cherry tree"  She also used to give us rug burns and told me once this man was "pussy whipped."  She was always made up perfectly, could cook like no one's business, and kept a spotless house.  Rock and roll.

5. I was horribly ugly when I was a youngster.  I have pictures to prove it. 

6. I danced to a Kenny Rogers song with my husband at our wedding.  And no, it wasn't The Gambler.  It was "There You Go Again."  He picked it.  He is weird, but I love him anyway.

7.  I think chocolate diamonds are incredibly ugly.  There, I said it. I feel better.

Now, onto the 10 blogs!

Amanda @ Blinded by the Light -She owns the fire!
Kathy @ My Dishwasher's Possessed -Pure awesomeness.
Megan @ Our House of Pink -She's a lovely gal!
Meghan @ Monkeys and Pickles -New bloggy mama-working on that fire!
Andrea @ Confessions of a First Time Mommy -Also a new Blogging mama!
Cynthia @ Mommied Life by Cynthia, My Life as Mom -Love this girl!
Mandi @ Boredom Busting Mom -Seriously cute blog.  Seriously.
MommySankey @ Surviving Motherhood -Great, relatable blog!
Cynthia @ Married Life by Cynthia, Happy Wife, Happy Life -She's on here twice, she's that cool. 
Taylor @ Duely Noted - Another cute 'ol blog!

Once again, thank you to Mandi from Smile and Mama With Me !  I am going to go boss around everyone in my house now, because I won an award and that makes me important.

I Keep you With Me

I stand at the sink sudsing up the dishes, radio cranked up.  A song comes on that reminds me of you.  I find myself staring out the window, hands paused, and heart stilled.  So many memories, my dear friend, I live with everyday.  So many times we saved each other from ourselves.  With the twisting and turning of our lives I find myself here without you. It was always you who made me laugh, you were like a second skin.  You knew more about me than anyone, and you loved me anyway. 

The early days, when we first met.  I remember sitting on the counter at Subway, fascinated by your life. The instant ease of our friendship, the give and take. How did we go from there to here, no longer together? How does a friendship deteriorate after so many years?  Was it you, was it me...fate?  Does it matter anymore?  How many heartbreaks did we see each other through, in the end you ended up being one of my biggest. 

I told Bobby the other day, I miss you. I really do, but I remember how far apart we are. Two different lives, shouldn't matter but it did.  It was you, all those nights, laughing and talking and crying.  And now it's not you, it's as easy and as complicated as that.

Remember the booze crashing down the stairs, water fights, late night phone calls. Endless packs of cigarettes in the early morning hours, crazy videos, cookies and milk.  Mattresses dragged into the living room, Shakespeare in Love, homemade salsa. The bars, the boys, the trip to Dayton.  Running from your fish, Denny's in the middle of the night, your giant white couch.  Where did it all go?  Into my memory bank and tear ducts.

How do I let go of you?  That is the lesson I am learning right now.  With anger or regret, fond memories or wistful moments in the kitchen?  A life lesson not taught, how to process the end of the deep love of friendship without losing a part of yourself.  Because I have lost a part of myself, a hole I cannot fill no matter how much I try.

How do I say, without you I would not be me?  Without you I wouldn't have discovered who I could be, how many nights and days and nights all blur together of us talking, mapping out our lives, philosophers on the couch.

Yet, this must be the way life is supposed to happen.  If we believe our paths will lead us straight and true, then what comes what may we deal with, as it is handed to us.

Are you ever frozen by those songs, and laugh at the memories?  Maybe is was Memphis, but there is no Arizona, right?
 
There is just me, left alone with my memories.  There's just me, without you, my lost friend.

Someday many years from now

We'll sit beside the candles glow

Exchanging tales about our past

And laughing as the memories flow

And when that distant day arrives

I know it will be understood

That friendship is the key to live

And we were friends and it was good.

-Eileen Hehl

Hopelessly Devoted

I sit here beside you, my dear baby boy, and watch you.  You are fiercely battling a stomach virus, and we have been in bed for an entire day.

You have finally found a restful sleep.

I study your long lashes laying on slightly pinked cheeks from a fever that refuses to loosen it's grip.  You are beautiful, even in the midst of sickness.

There is nothing in the world I want more than to make you feel better, I spoon water in your mouth, I hold you while you sweat and shiver.  I comfort you when you cry, I change the sheets and wipe cool cloths on your forehead.

I spent a whole day not seeing your smile, and it was like clouds over my sunny day.  When you finally laughed a little bit ago, the clouds parted. As we lay here, mismatched pillowcases and a blanket dragged in from the couch, Mommy prays the worst is over for you. 

Daddy called all day because he was worried about his boy.  Mommy's heart broke a little bit when he came home from work and saw you.  I know he wanted to gather you in his arms and rock you, but he had baby girl and big sister to take care of.  We hate when anyone of you are sick.

There is no way for me to explain how much I love you.  Every moment of everyday you are what fills my heart.  There is nothing for me but you, and your sisters. Without you I am nothing.  . 

I can only offer comfort and my love, and I know you will be sick untold times as you grow.  I don't know how many of those sicknesses I will get to hold you in my arms like I did when you were a baby. 

I hope you awake tomorrow with your sunny smile and boundless energy. 

I hope sometime tomorrow you look at me and smile. 

I hope you run over and hug me, just because.

I hope one day you know, even in the midst of illness, how much you light up the darkness.

Now sleep, my dear one, while Mommy watches over you. 

I love you my dream come true, I'm hopelessly devoted to you.



"When I walk, I walk with you. Where I go, you're with me always."

-Alice Hoffman

Blogger Spotlight - My Dishwasher's Possessed!

This week's Blogger Spotlight is one of my very favorite bloggers, Kathy from My Dishwasher's Possessed!

Yay for 100 followers celebration cakes!  

Kathy posts once a week on Sunday nights.  I love and always look forward to seeing what she writes! Here's our quick interview:

1. How long have you been blogging?
I started my blog in November 2010, on Momster.com which is the website for Family Circle Magazine. I was getting some really nice feedback so I decided to take the plunge and start my own site on blogspot in January.

2. How did you choose you blog name?
I was starting my site at the same time we bought our brand new dishwasher. The silly thing would light up and make a beeping sound at all hours of the day and night. Of course when the repairman came it worked perfectly. Then that night it started again. When I called to report it once again I was asked what the problem was and I said "it's possessed" which made them laugh and send the guy right out!! One sleepless night I woke my husband, who is an editor by profession and asked him what did he think of calling my site "My dishwasher's possessed", he laughed and said it worked.

3. What inspired you to start blogging?
I had been wanting to write about our families experience with special needs for a while, but I was always so crazed. When our youngest child started kindergarten it freed me up a bit.

4. What post are you most proud of?
I did a post about watching the Royal Wedding with my daughter, Passing Along My Dream. I liked how I was able to touch on Lizzy's issues without dwelling on them.

5. What post is your least favorite?
I'm not sure about that one. Each one is special in it's own right. Since I only post once a week I really work on each essay. Each essay has things in it that I love, and each one has something in it that makes me go, I probably could have said that better!

6. What is your favorite blog/blogger?
This is such a hard question. I read and really enjoy so many. Of course you and Life as Five is one I never miss. Grumpy Grateful Mom is one blog that always make me laugh and I want to be Mom in Rome - Baby in Rome!!!

7. What subject won’t you blog about?
I make a really big effort to be personal without being private. I would never share anything that would embarrass myself or anyone in my family. Anytime I mention my family I make sure that the person knows about it and is more than 100% comfortable with me sharing it. Again, posting once a week really helps in preventing me from posting something in anger. Also, my husband edits my posts, so that if there was something he did not want me to share I would not. I really see the blog as a family project of sorts and everyone has to be okay about what I'm sharing.

8. What do you find most challenging about blogging about your topic?
Coming up with an idea every week!! Many times I will beg my kids for ideas, also I will hit my friends up for suggestions. I no longer ask my husband because he always answers the same way "Why don't you write about our family"!

9. What is the ultimate goal for your blog?
I'm not really sure where I'm headed with it. I would like to write professionally and for the blog to get the biggest audience possible. I would love to write a book someday, but right now I'm taking it one day at a time. I never in a million years thought I would be a mommy blogger. I am the least technical person in my family and my circle of friends. That makes this all the more funny!

10. What do you want people to take away from reading your blog?
That life can be fun and funny even when the world seems to be falling apart.

Do yourselves a favor and pay My Dishwasher's Possessed a visit.  You won't regret it.

Kathy, thank you for being such an awesome bloggy friend, and thanks for letting me share you with my readers!

Bad Mommy!

When my little man gets mad at someone, he will tell them to "leave this house right now!"

Tonight, we were doing our bedtime dance, y'know:

Run after kids, capture whichever one falls over a toy first
Get off old diaper and clothes
Chase now naked child around the house
Attempt to diaper which ever child you can grab
Get kicked in the gut and/or boob area
Wrestle diaper onto spinning, writhing, hysterically laughing child
*Pause
Have husband wipe sweat from your brow
*Resume
Get one child diapered and pajama-d
Get other child diapered and pajama-d
Turn around to see first child has removed all clothing and diaper
Chase naked child through the house

And so on and so forth.

After we had duct taped the children into their jammies and got Ellie nestled into her crib for the night it was Noah's turn.

Noah was not pleased.

He screamed for me to "GET OUT!"

So I did.  I walked out the front door.  For about two seconds, which was the opposite of what I should have done, which was sit there and let him bitch me out.

There was wailing, followed by ten minutes of me reassuring him I wasn't leaving him.  Then he wanted Daddy. who had to also take time to convince Noah no one was leaving.  He then got my traumatized son into bed, who started wailing for me again.

Bob calls, "get in here and fix this before his head explodes"

A few more minutes of kisses, hugs, reassurances, and raspberries on the belly and he was back to normal.

Note to self, don't do that again, dumbass.

Mommy did an oopsey...

Guess Noah getting upset when I walked out the door is better than him yelling, "and stay out, you dumb bitch!"

I'm Getting There.

I had a nice day today.  I met a friend and her precious babe at the park this morning.  We chatted while my kids played, and I got to play with her little princess.

She was my very first friend, we spent a untold amounts of time together when we were little.  As we entered our teen years we drifted apart. The common bond of motherhood has brought us back together. 

Nothing like sitting in a park on a breezy day with an old friend.  Made plans to meet next Thursday, and bring her Sister-in-law and her kiddies...

I have forgotten how nice it is to sit and talk to someone I'm comfortable with that isn't my family.  I feel like I'm starting to enter the real world again. 

Could hopelessly socially awkward me be on my way to making friends?  Is this possible?

I know this may sound silly, but I haven't gone to a playground with a non-family member before, and I've been a mother for 9 years. 

Lame...

Oh man. 

Seems the hardest thing to do, is find a friend or two...

I'm getting there. : )

Lol

17


17 I'm good, 18 i'm getting my ass kicked.

Not My Finest Moment...

When I was pregnant with Noah, Bob and I did the whole register for a million baby items routine.  It was so much fun, even though it took us two trips, because I couldn't walk a long time. 

I was looking forward to receiving lots of baby stuff, because we were beyond broke. And showers are for, y'know, showering gifts. 

We registered for our crib, it had a changing table attached.  We couldn't afford a set, so we didn't register for a dresser or separate changing table.

Our hope was my Grandma would buy our crib. 

*I would like to take a moment and say that yes, as adults we shouldn't expect things from other people, and should buy our own things and all that crap.  I know, now be quiet.*

When my brother and his wife had my niece my Grandpa and Grandma bought their crib. I assumed (and we all know what happens when we assume...) we would be gifted the same present as my brother, as my grandma knew our financial situation. We were living right next to her...in my parents basement.

Long story short, she "went in" with my aunt on our stroller. 

No crib.

Got some great gifts at my shower, not a lot of stuff we had registered for. 

I was heartbroken. 

Here I was, super duper pregnant.  Not a "cute" pregnant.  An "Oh my God what happened to you?!" pregnant.  We had just moved back in with my parents, I was sick, tired, broke, nervous, hormonal, peeing when I sneezed, covered in acne, swelled up like a balloon, and just freaking miserable.

No crib.

We had my Bro's kids bassinets, but they were still using the crib.

We ended up using all the gift cards we got and returned some stuff to get the crib.  And, of course, my family helped us out, because they are awesome. 

I was so stressed out about the stupid crib, I yelled at the lady at Babies R Us because they had to order it and it wouldn't be in for weeks.  (Sorry poor Babies R Us lady!)

You have this image in your head.  Nursery in pastel colors, tasteful crib with matching dresser and changing table, matching everything in a cute pattern, a glider to rock your baby...

We ended up with a crib stuffed in our room and a $40.00 pressed wood dresser from Kmart.

I was very angry with my Grandma at that time.  She knew we were struggling, she knew how hard my pregnancy was, and it just seemed like nothing was going our way. 

Yeah, I was pregnant and selfish, shoot me. 

Looking at it with fresh eyes, yes I was being selfish and expecting things I shouldn't have been expecting from her.  I never asked her for it, I just thought it was coming.  That's how she usually did things.

She had no control in her life at that time.  She couldn't control the fact that my Grandpa died.  She couldn't control her health, her mind.  She could control her money.  It was the only handle she had.  I understand that now.

She was a great Grandma, as I've mentioned plenty of times.  I was not a great granddaughter at that time. 

We live and learn, though.  We did just fine with our cramped space and cheap furniture.  I didn't need all the new nice things I thought I needed.  And I learned to not expect things, and give my hopes up about stupid meaningless things.  Treasure the moment, not the stuff.

It all worked out in the end.  Sometimes being a grown up makes you feel all....grown up...

He was mad because I put him in polka dot pants.
In my defense, it was a Christmas outfit!



I love dressing babies in funny outfits.



And that concludes the pictures that have nothing to do with the post.

Oh, what the hell?  Here's a few more!



Pissed off at Best Buy



My ALL time favorite baby picture.
I give you: Dork Baby

Yay for digging around old Myspace albums. 



His name is Chloe...



Old pic. Me likey my kitty.


My boy cat has a girl name. Chloe Louise. I call him Chloe de Ballsac when the kids aren't around so he feels more manly. 

Chloe and Emily are both eleven.  Difference is, of course, she's a spaz and he's more like a pants pulled up to the armpits-black socks and sandals kind of eleven.

When Bob and I moved to our first apartment we weren't allowed pets.  I was sad to leave Chloe with my parents, but I wanted the apartment.  A few months after we moved in, Bob sat me down on the couch and made me close my eyes.  When I opened them there was a brand new litter box,  food dishes, and other cat paraphernalia.  He had made a deal with the landlord, and Chloe was coming to live with his mama.

My husband rocks.  I believe I've mentioned that before. 

Of course, our tiny apartment made it interesting for litter box placement.  Bathroom was too small. Bedrooms were out.  Nothing says romance for newlyweds like cat pee smell, eh?  I refused to have it in the kitchen, that gave me the willies.  So, it went in a corner in the hallway. 

Nothing like walking down the hallway and locking eyes with your cat while he's taking a pooper. 




Chloe circa 2005, in first apartment.  Riding the catnip train.
He'll  cut a bitch.


Chloe has a few quirks, he's afraid of big spiders and thunderstorms.  He loves straws, q-tips, and he will get in the bathroom cupboard or a purse, and get a tampon.  He'll wrestle the wrapper off, separate the cotton from the applicator, and then toss it around for hours.  It's not awkward at all explaining this to people who don't know this fun fact when you come upon a tampon laying in the living room. 

He's my protector (in his mind).  He sleeps with me most nights, and if he hears a suspicious noise he puts himself between said noise and me. Chloe's a badass.

He sleeps next to me. Bob and I are three deep most nights, sometimes there's a kid or two and a cat. We need a bigger bed. 

He loves chips and dip. 

He hung out with me when I was stuck in bed for a few weeks at the beginning of my pregnancy with Noah.  We watched movies, ate Cinnamon Toast Crunch and chatted.  Well, I chatted, he just listened while patiently waiting for me to finish my cereal so he could have the milk.  Typical male.

Chloe's been through lots of babies. He's not a fan.  Every time we bring a new one home he rolls his eyes and walks away.  For some reason he lets Elise give him hugs and squeal "kitty" in his ear.  Even he can't resist her cuteness.

He's been a great companion.  He has a bit of a lower spine issue, and I thought we were going to lose him a few times.  He's still kicking, though.  I love my little guy.

Here's to you, Chloe de Ballsac!



Chloe this morning.  He's just pretending to be irritated.


*Don't forget to enter the awesome 100 follower giveaway!

*And there's only TWO days left to vote for Life as 5 at Circle of Mom's!  The links at the top of the page.  Thanks for your support.  I love you guys!

*100 Follower Giveaway*-Giveaway Closed!!

Here we go, my awesome bloggy friends!

It's time for my first giveaway...

Chrissy over at Boerman Ramblings (awesome blog!) has this addictive Etsy shop, SimplyCreated.  It's my favorite Etsy shop, I'm totally working on a stockpile of all the goodies.  Go check it out!

Chrissy is so cool, isn't she?

One of my lucky winners wins this ridiculously cute necklace. 

Soooo Jealous!

Seriously?  *Love it*

So here's the rules to enter the giveaway to win this baby:

Follow Lifeas5 blog *one entry* (you have to be a follower to win...duh!)

Like Life as 5 on Facebook *one entry*

Follow Boerman Ramblings blog *one entry*

Leave a comment telling me what your very favorite post is on Life as 5! *one entry*

Make sure you comment separately for each entry!

*Don't try to be tricksy... follow the rules, people!

Lets get this party started!!

Giveaway Preview!

The other day, I said when I reached 100 followers, I would have my first giveaway!

Well, I'm at 105!

Want to see what I'm giving away?  Hmmmmm?

One of my very favorite Bloggers, Chrissy from

has an awesome shop I am addicted to.

The giveaway is

A gorgeous necklace from

Here it is!!

I'm so excited!

Want to win this beautiful necklace?

Check back on Wednesday for more details!!

I am so jealous of whoever wins this!

You're in my heart, you're in my soul

My friend asked me in an email the other day what was best and worst thing about parenting.

I told her the best and the worst thing was the same, the soul wrenching love you have for your children.

When I had Noah I was so out of it from the cesarean, but the moment I saw him I will never forget. I felt the doctor pull him from my body, and when he cried out; my whole body started shaking uncontrollably. I responded instantly to his distress on some primal level. When I read about women not bonding with their children after C-section I cannot relate. I became all of his the instant I heard him, and he became mine. Forever entwined.

The first time I saw Noah’s eyes, I was lost forever. His big, blue eyes staring into mine took my breath away. The moment I saw him was the moment I’d been waiting for my whole life. Tears of joy leaked from my eyes, and my gut clenched. It felt like I was ripping in two, into joy and fear. How could I be so happy and so scared at the same time?

As I held his tiny body in my shaking arms, all I could see was his Daddy’s face. I drank in every feature, memorizing his little wizened face. He looked like a tired old man, and it made me laugh. He was beautiful, with his little cap of blond fuzzy hair and long fingers.

Seeing my husband hold him, the joy in his face filled my heart was breathtaking. The love in Bobby’s eyes for Noah mirrored mine. Our unending love for one another was in Bob's arms, blinking sleepily and rooting around for nourishment. I gave my husband a son, and he gave me one of the loves of my life.



Bobby and his Mini Me.


These past years have taught me everything about love. I have three children, each one unique, each one imprinted on my heart for all my days. I became a mother three times, and each time I became less of myself and more of their mommy. There is no stopping this love of mine; it overflows every day, into everything I do. It is soul wrenching, definitely. Becoming a mother changed everything I ever believed in.

These babies are in my heart, in my soul.

Witty Title

*I would like to start this by saying that I have 102 readers.  I shall now have a giveaway.  Details to come next week.  Woot.*

*I would also like to note I am still riding the Vicodin rainbow, so please excuse anything that isn't interesting or well written.  Yeah, let's blame the drugs for that..*

Ok, onto more important things. Me. (pfffft!)

I am hating my knee being messed up.  I'm stuck in a chair.  My biggest moment of entertainment today was Ellie laying in my lap, kicking herself in the head while wearing her brother's shoe.  She thought that was hilarious. 

I am feeling super guilty because Em has had to take over quite a bit, she made me and the kiddies lunch, has been picking up after everyone and generally being awesome. 

I'm totally buying that kid something large and expensive when we go on vacation. 

Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky, my kid is amazing.  How many eleven year olds do you know that can change a poop diaper without blinking an eye, make lunch, and play with two babies without complaining? 

My kid is a rockstar. 

Sometimes I look at her and think, "well, so far your dad and I haven't messed you up too much...go us..."

It's these kind of moments, when I see glimpses of the woman she's going to become someday.  That's a crazy feeling.  One I can't quite find the words for right now. I can't do this kid justice right now.  Next week, when I'm not dizzy and trying to focus I'll get out what I'm trying to say.

I'm just really proud of her.

Am I the only one that's brain turns to Jello when they take anything stronger than Tylenol?

Everyone send good thoughts. My knee is squishy and full of fluid.  It's making me cranky because it's hampering my Supermom abilities.  I'm getting whiny, I apologize.  It's time to sleep.

Noah's the only one enjoying my crutches. 

You guys are beyond awesome, I can't wait to do this giveaway!

And this is a blog post on drugs....

Hello out there from the girl who stood up yesterday and FUBAR'd her knee, and is now flying high on Vicodin and prescription strength Aleve!  It took me 5 minutes to get my ear phones on and I think I just drooled on myself.

I have to have the headphones so I can listen to my dorky music.  I, apparently, cannot write without crap like Hold the Line by Toto blasting into my noodle.  Rock on.

I had to explain how I hurt myself at least 40 times, too.  That was embarrassing. I didn't know my leg was asleep, stood up, and it bent at an angle that knees are not supposed to bend.   Make that 41.

The words "sprain"  "torn ligaments" and "good job, dumbass" were used. And now I have crutches. Still haven't mastered the art of crutching, I am hopelessly clumsy, and this isn't going to end well.

Good news is, I have slaves waiting on me hand and knee.  Har har.

I was going to write something thought provoking and all that stuff, but I'm too dizzy.  So tonight you get this crap.  I don't do well on narcotics.  I was ok the first few hours and now it's just bad. Won't be taking any of these bad boys until Bob gets home from work tomorrow. 

The bright spot in having my bum knee is Noah and his running commentary:

"You knee hurt, mommy?  You got a boo-boo?  Whet me see.  Oh yes, you have a big boo boo.  You take you medcine?" You need ice? Emamee, get mommy ice!"

"Emamee" took good care of her mama today.  And God, Jesus, Mary, Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny bless my cousin Joe for calling me and asking if I needed a hand.  He came over so I could rest.  I had a nice drug-induced sleep coma for a few hours.  Another reason I won't take them tomorrow until Bob gets home from work.  And my lovely niece Lucarie came over to lend a hand also.  I love my family.

Annnnnnnd I'm getting sleepy.

I'm sure I'll apologize for this post in the morning! 

I bid you adieu!

100 reader giveaway!

I have 92 followers on Google Friend Connect!

Holy crappoozi! 

Never thought that would happen.  I'm too big of a dork!

So, me thinks a celebration is in order.

When/if I hit *100* readers

We're going to have a giveaway!! 

One slightly used husband.  Rubs feet, but doesn't cook.  HA! Just kidding.

What I will be giving away will be revealed soon!

How does that sound to ya'll??

Interview with Flightless Goose Author Eric D. Goodman

What a fun day we're going to have today, dear readers!  I'm sure you remember my posts about Flightless Goose.  Well, today is the day the author, Eric D. Goodman,  is stopping by my blog for an interview and a chat in the comments section! 

Thank you, Mr. Goodman, for taking the time to chat about your great book today!

1. What would you like your readers to take away from Flightless Goose?


First and foremost, Flightless Goose is meant to be an entertaining story children can enjoy. But there are some important lessons that will hopefully touch them, too. Primarily, that we should treat others with respect, even if they are different, and that we should never pick on other people. Also that we should focus on positive strengths rather than weaknesses. And that anyone can make a difference.

2. Along with teaching children about tolerance, what other lessons do you hope resonate with young readers?

In addition to the ones mentioned earlier, I also hope children take away the notion that it's okay to be different and that in one way or another everyone is different. And that no matter what your situation, you can succeed.

3. Will we be sharing anymore adventures with Gilbert?

Hopefully so! The childrens' book Nataliya and I are working on now has an entirely different cast of characters and may be a few years before that's ready for publication. But after that, we hope to share another adventure with Gilbert. He may go to school, or perhaps on vacation.

4. Flightless Goose is inspired by a goose you observed in real life. Has the real life Gilbert attempted to come after you for any royalties? I hear geese are fickle like that.

So far, the real Flightless Goose seems satisfied with high-end bread crumbs. Fortunately, he doesn't see much value in money.

5. Were you wanting the book to be read to my children over and over and over and over? Because that's what happened. Not that I'm complaining, as I enjoy it, too. I'm just wondering...

That's exactly what we want! We would like for Flightless Goose to be the kind of book that children (and their parents) want to revisit again and again. I'm happy that Gilbert has found his way into your hearts.

6. Are you working on any more children's novels?

Not yet, but hopefully soon. We've been thinking about ways in which Gilbert's friends can help him return south one winter. But at school events, children often ask for a book about him visiting school. So ...

7. I see you have a novel coming out, Tracks, and it sounds fabulous. Can you tell my readers a little more about it?

I'm really excited about Tracks, which just came out on Thursday and has gotten great reviews so far! Tracks is a novel in stories set on a train traveling from Baltimore to Chicago. Each chapter is a stand alone story about a passenger on the train. But they link together as the passengers connect and touch one another in meaningful ways. A side character in one story is a main character in another, and they're seen differently by different passengers.

The New York Journal of Books just gave it a nice review today; you can see it at
http://www.nyjournalofbooks.com/review/tracks-novel-stories

And you can learn more about Tracks, listen to radio readings, read excerpts, and even get a copy at http://www.tracksnovel.com/.

8. I'm thinking about writing a book. I'm pretty good at brooding and looking pensive, what kind of book should I write?

Sounds like maybe you should write Tracks, a novel in stories. But since that's already done ... how about "Life as Five: The Novel?"


Help me welcome Mr. Goodman to my blog today, and make sure you check out Flightless Goose, and Tracks!

Book Review-To Be Perfectly Honest

To Be Perfectly Honest by Phil Callaway has an interesting premise. Live an entire year without telling a lie.

Mr. Callaway shares his year in this book, in 365 journal entries. Short little bursts of insight into his life and the challenge of always being truthful. Does he make it an entire year never telling a lie? No. Who would? The attempt to, the honesty and humor he uses, is heartwarming and engaging. Whether he's questioning the music choices at his church, or pretending to be deaf when Mormons come to his door, this book will make you chuckle, and reflect. To Be Perfectly Honest is a fast, fun, easy read, and it shows us just how tough (and funny) honesty can be.



This part of the epilogue is interesting, and reflects best what I, as a reader, got out of this book.

"And finally, after completing a year of truth-telling, I'm much more aware of my flaws and weaknesses. Tabulating one’s own sins causes the faults of others to fade in significance, so I'm learning the joy of scratching a little deeper beneath the surface of God's grace. What I've found is that there is a God who smiles, a God who still loves me. With his help, I've decided to extend the deadline on this truth vow another fifty years."

*I recieved this book from the publisher in exchange for a review, all opinions expressed are my own.

The Sexy Banana

For years I have been attempting to decorate my house, in the style I've noticed is popular these days. 

Lots of beige.

Copious amounts of beige. 

Sleek styles, no knick-knacks, everything matching and coordinated. 

I was standing in my living room not long ago and thought, "what in the hell am I doing?"

I have never been a beige person.  My brain, my life, is cluttered, not sleek and coordinated.  I need the reflection of myself in my house. 

I like my knick-knacks that I packed away like a dutiful little lemming!  I like bright, loud colors and patterns!   I have many keepsakes I had hidden away in my "quest to fit in." 

What a dumbass I was. 

It never felt right, the decorating I was attempting.  It wasn't me. I want someone to walk into my house, and feel comfortable. 

So, I'm taking back my house, dammit. 

The neat thing is, I still have a bunch of crap in storage I still have to find a home for. 

Take a walk through some of my house with me.



Part of my bedroom.  Lots of keepsakes!  Seriously have to get rid of that wallpaper!
That corner shelf was my Grandpa Dilas's. 



My chair cover.  Not very chic, eh?  My 11 year old picked it out.
I love it.  
The kids used my living room as a dressing room today.



My awesome green bookcase.  Belonged to my grandma and grandpa.
There are pictures from the 50's with that bookcase in the backround.
I think that's cool.  And it's getting covered in my stuff!



More treasures!







How about that ugly desk and thingy next to it?  Bought the set for 30 bucks from

the neighbors.  Covered in my crap, now.

 



Notice I enjoy black bears?  Hid them away for awhile, thought 

people would think they were "uncool."

A bit 'o the kitchen

How did this get in here?!

We're dorktastic!

My old kitchen cupboards.

Definitely not new and stylish.

Have you met my sexy banana?

Took her from my grandma's when we were cleaning out her house.

                                                  Now I look at it and think of her, and laugh.

It's amazing, I am almost thirty and I was trying to "fit in."  It never ends.  Until you choose to end it. 

Older and wiser baby...older and wiser. 

Why I Loved This Weekend #5

Lots of pictures!!

We had Em's birthday party this weekend.  She wanted a Fiesta, so we had tacos, burritos and all the fixings.  We decorated with the tissue paper flowers Em and her friends made.  We had a great time celebrating our special eleven year old!





We had a fun time with our loved ones, and now the kids and I are watching a movie and being lazy bums.

I hope everyone had a great weekend, and a Happy 4th of July! 

Did you do anything exciting this weekend?