Ellie's story.

Elise Victoria was born on November 2nd, 2009.  She weighed 7 pounds, 8 ounces and had a funny little curled in right ear with a skin tag. She was beautiful. Ellie was born three weeks after my grandma passed away, so her birth was a joyous day laced with grief.  It was a pretty routine c-section.  It was what came a few days later that is where her story begins. 



Our little princess

 I was holding her in the hospital when our family doctor came in and sat down across from me.  She told me the nurses (as well as her) had noticed Ellie's head shaking, that the nurses hadn't seen shaking like hers before.  I just sat holding her saying, ok ok ok, to everything she said. She told me not to worry, that she was a healthy beautiful little girl, and we would watch it.  



Noah giving his new sis some kisses, and a shot of her funny little ear.

 Ellie caught a cold almost as soon as we brought her home.  Then the projectile vomiting started (acid reflux).  We had to start bringing her in every week to get weighed. We had to take her to get an ultrasound on her kidneys, because of her skin tag on her ear. Turned out normal. Then eczema paid us a visit. Her head was still shaking, especially when she was upset, or when we were trying to put a bottle in her mouth.  Sometimes it would shake so hard I would pull her to my body and anchor her head to me with my arm.  I tried to smile through it, while my family fretted.  Inside I was shaking as badly as my baby girl.

The worst feeling in the world is not knowing...


3 month Ellie

 Ellie ended up in the hospital around 4 months old with a nasty virus. Watching my baby girl in a hospital bed was almost too much to take, even though I knew she was fine.  The doctors at the hospital asked me about her weight, because she was so small.  Then they started asking about her head shaking.  She still couldn't hold her head up at 4 months. We were still watching its progression, so I declined them looking into it.

Princess Ellie on her throne

Her reflux became controlled, her colds became less frequent.  She still wasn't holding her head up well, she could barely stand with support, no crawling.  Our doctor suggested it was time to see a neurologist.  Waiting for the appointment to arrive was incredibly nerve racking for me, even though I continued on with my brave face.  The day of the appointment, my stomach was in knots.  When the neurologist came in, she was so kind, she put me at ease right away.  She examined Ellie, pulling her up, trying to get her to put weight on her legs, watching her try to put something in her mouth while her head shook like crazy.  The doctor looks at us and says, "she's fine."  About 4000 pounds of weight lifted off my shoulders.  The neurologist told us that she had a head tremor.  An unexplained head tremor.  A-never going to know why-tremor. She told us she'd grow out of it as she got older, and she'd see us in a few months for a follow up.  So, baby girl has a head tremor, and mommy had some hope.

6 month Ellie

Ellie has had to work hard for everything.  She had to work to hold her head up, to crawl, to stand, to crawl.  We had trouble feeding her baby food and rice cereal while she was sitting up because her little head would start shaking.  Every milestone is celebrated doubly with Elise, because it takes her a little longer to get there.  At the follow up appointment, her neurologist gave her a clean bill of health!

9 month Ellie

While Ellie's has had issues with development, mentally she's "normal". She's a little mimic.  She can count to 10 and tell me she loves me, at 16 months.  Mommy says she's pretty damn smart. She is small, but mighty, my girl.   

Some seriously cute babies

Elise will be 17 months in three days, and she just started walking. She has the proudest mommy. Her head barely shakes anymore. Eventually she'll be all caught up and be a normal little girl.

She has taught me so much in her little life.  How to be more patient, more hopeful. How to keep faith in God. How to find joy through heartache after losing my grandma.  There is nothing more beautiful to me in this world than her big brown eyes staring into mine. Those eyes have gazed into mine since the day she was put into my arms, and that gaze says, have faith, mama, i'm fine. She has the sweetest, most trusting smile I have ever seen.  She is hilarious, she makes me laugh everyday.  She has a deep, throaty voice that doesn't match her tiny little frame.  She still curls herself into my body when I hold her, and she puckers her lips up for kisses.  She is the last baby that I will carry in this body, she is the last testament of our love for each other. She's my beautiful baby.

September 29th.

I am envious of how beautifully some women can write about the birth of their children.  I've tried several times to write it all down, but it never seems to come out right.  I start trailing off, or it's too wordy.  I'm going to try again and see how it goes.  Tonight i'll write about my son.

Noah Joseph:

I had a dream I was pregnant. It was a very vivid dream.  I woke up, went into the bathroom, and took a pregnancy test.  I had a few in the cupboard because we had been trying to get pregnant for three years.  It was positive!  That was the best call I ever made, when I got to tell my husband I was finally pregnant.  I had an unpleasant, difficult pregnancy. I won't go into detail, but trust me, not a good time.

We decided to induce me on September 29th, 2008.  It was his due date, and I was measuring 900 months pregnant, was dilated to 4, and had about enough of the whole deal.  So, in I waddled, husband in tow, early that Monday morning.  I was so nervous, but I was blessed, truly blessed, with a group of fantastic nurses. They got me through that day, and I will always be thankful. A few hours in, Noah's heartbeat starting getting erratic, so they attached an internal monitor.  The doc came and broke my water because Noah's head wasn't engaging, and I wasn't dilating past 4.  There was meconium in the fluid.  They explained to me that, when the time came, I wasn't going to hear him cry right away so they could suction him out and not to worry. (When the time did come, those moments waiting for that cry felt like years.) 

I was trying to get some rest, and was waiting for my mom and sister to show up when the rhythmic sound of his heart started slowing. Bob stood up and walked over to the monitor, looked at me, and ran out of the room.  As he was going to get our nurses, they were coming up the hall.  On went the oxygen. I remember the one nurse rubbing my head and telling me to breathe for my baby.  Victor, the anesthesiologist, was there and he kept patting my hand and telling me everything was fine.  After a few minutes Noah's heart rate went back up into the normal range.  A few minutes later down it went. It took longer to come back to normal.  Every time I would have a contraction, his heart rate would plummet. I was still dilated to 4, and Noah's head was still bobbing away when they would check me.  Down his heart rate would go, up for a minute, down for a few.  The doctor came in around the same time Noah's heartbeat dropped to 58  (the normal range, is, of course, 120-170 or something like that, yes?). It didn't just drop to 58, it stayed there. Doctor looks at me and says, lets get this baby out. I was going to have a c-section.

Every moment waiting for my son to be born was excruciating. Laying there, staring at the ceiling.  Then, staring at my husband, shaking from the drugs they gave me to stop my labor.  I looked up at one point and saw my belly reflected in my husbands glasses, ew, look away.  Then I felt this pressure, more pressure, a tug, and then every ones yelling. "yay, he's here!" and i'm waiting for the cry, asking Bob if he's ok, waiting waiting waiting and then there it was!  The sweetest sound I have ever heard in my life.  The moment i'd been waiting for, the moment I became his mommy.   



7 pounds 12 ounces of pure miracle.

 After 9 long, difficult months the doctor didn't want to mess around, and I completely agree.  I don't regret my c-section.  Yeah, it would have been nice not to go through the pain, but look at what I got out of the deal.  My little man, my pride, my joy.  He is beautiful.  He breathes life into me everyday, he stares at me with his huge blue eyes and tells me he loves me.  He got home from being out with his daddy for a bit tonight, came over to me, and said, "I missed you mommy."  I missed him, too, even if he was only away from me for an hour.  He is a part of me, he is proof of our love for each other, he is our walking legacy. 

Now, I ask you to bask in the awesomeness that is my son along with me.

I still didn't get out exactly what I wanted to say,  but this one ended up a little better than the last attempts.  How do you write a story about the best and scariest day of your life? 

Truth in blogging.

I, on occasion, stumble upon a blog or read a post and I want to comment in all caps: LIARRRRRR!!!!!  (I don't, because I am very, very, very, mature and  well behaved.)

I think, oh look they are at SAHM like me. Then I see their posts:
 
"Today I scrubbed the floors, made homemade yogurt, tilled the garden, repainted the living room, taught the baby how to speak Chinese, and made a nutritious balanced meal all my children ate with beautiful smiles on their faces.  Life is wonderful, perfect, fantastic.  Did I mention I sewed this entire outfit from the hair I pulled out of my hairbrush?  Smile!" The radiant never-ending joy and happiness shooting out of the screen is blinding.

Barf.  I call bullshit!!

Today I thought about maybe cleaning something up in the near future...possibly.

I don't want to read your blog about your make believe life.  Where's your truth?  Where's the nitty gritty, that's what I want.  I want to read about moms doing the best they can, who have crappy days, but have great days, too.  Like me.  I want to read about how having children is a blessing beyond blessings, but sometimes it's no fun.  How you can love your life, but hate the dried snot on your shoulder. 

The problem with women who paint their lives as perfect is it's hard to digest. It can't be real. Seeing all their polished, perfect days is boring. You know what's real to me?  That "oh shit" feeling you get when you realize you forgot to lay the meat out to defrost.  Snot bubbles. Leaky diapers. A pile of laundry.  Wrestling a crayon from a two year old.  Toys in every crevice of the couch. Headaches. Doubt. Joy. Love. Pride. Everything mixed in together.  All the beautiful, and all the yuck.

My ten year old who isn't mine, but is, because her birth mother is not in the picture. She's perfecting her eye roll, the door slam, and the bad attitude.  She was my solemn two year old, my heartbroken five year old, my finding her place in this world 10 year old.  She's my first love.

My son, my beautiful son.  He knows his shapes, his colors, how to count to 20, and most of his ABC's.  He also won't quit climbing onto everything.  He smacks my glass end table top all the time even though he's been told no.  He won't quit picking on his sister.  He lights up my life, he is everything to me. 

My beautiful baby girl.  My last baby. My surprise baby. My won't gain weight, just starting to walk at 16 months, head tremor, let's give mommy some more gray hairs baby.  She can count to 10, and knows the rhythm to the ABC's.  She tells me she loves me. She has a beautiful smile. She is my last hope.

They are my truth.  They are my good days and bad days!

There are many chapters in the story of my days. Some days are well oiled cogs, they are great days, days I look forward to. Sometimes its a hurricane of toys in the living room, mommy has a headache, just go grab some damn dinner, is it bedtime yet, days.

I think that's why I go into automatic eye roll-snort mode when I see Miss Perfection and her Brood of Merry Well Behaved Offspring.  Because I know what it's like to be in the trenches of motherhood.  I don't want a fake picture of your life, delusional nice blogging lady, show me the other side.  Show me the diaper you found under the couch and you have no idea how old it is. Tell me how confused you are by your pre-teen.  Tell me about your crazy, beautiful life!  Tell me how hard it is, but how awesome it is.  Don't leave anything out!  

Tell me the truth. Tell me your truth!

Budget this!

I made a new household budget this weekend, which is always shitty super fun!  I looked around different websites, trying to gather knowledge, maybe find that one piece of information that will give me an AHA! moment.  I was hoping to find some creative ways to save money.  What I found was, well, pretty damn stupid. 

Here's a few gems I found:

*Use microwave instead of stove and oven as much as possible.  Mmm, nothing like microwaved roast at the end of a long day.  You can use it to scrub the dish you nuked it in after no one eats it!

*Minimize the number of times you open and close refrigerator door. Damn, there goes my "free time activity" while the kids are napping.

*Put a 5 gallon bucket in the bottom of the shower. Use the water to fill the back of the toilet or water plants outside.  "Hey Honey? Don't forget to water the plants with the leftover dirty butt water!"

*Turn the water off in a shower while you are soaping up, lathering hair and shaving.  Seriously?  You go first.

*Shower with another person in the family.  This could get awkward if you have guests.

*Fast regularly. Otherwise known as "starve to death".

*Buying two-ply toilet paper and pulling the sheets apart.  This one just made me laugh.

There is a difference between being "frugal" and being "bat shit crazy".  I'm all for saving money and simplifying, but...wow....

OK, so here's what you can't find when you're looking for budgeting and money saving tips:  Information for people with no money. And by no money I mean there's enough to pay your bills and buy food.  "Pay yourself first" isn't a good tip if you can barely pay your bills.  Neither is "insulate your water heater and windows" (costs money, no money, hellloooo) or "buy energy saving appliances" (yeah, let me get right on that.)

Where's the reality?  Those aren't money saving tips for your everyday family.  Those are for people who want to save enough money to take two vacations this year instead of one, unlike me, who is taking none.  (Except for the ones I take in my head, of course.)

So, even though you didn't ask for it, here it is, folks.  Lindsay's guide to living a frugal and simple life.  

Don't buy shit you don't need.    



Ok, my lovely blogger friends, lay it on me.  What's the most creative way you've found to save money? 

Have a laugh!



Stylish Blogger Award.



Lookie!  My very first Blogger award!

Many thanks to ThaiHoa from http://1tootiefoodie.blogspot.com/.

Go check out her great blog!  Right now...go!

In order to completely accept this award it is asked that one:

1. Thank and link back to the person that has given you this award.

2. Share seven things about yourself.

3. Award 10-15 blogs you feel deserve this award as well.

4. Contact these bloggers and let them know about the award.

7 Things about me:

1. I am a terrible singer. The other day my husband and I were in the car, I took a break from singing and I said to him, You know how I know you really love me?  You've listened to me sing for the last 9 years and you've stayed married to me. 

 

2. If I mess up when i'm making a list or writing a note, I have to rewrite it. I cannot cross it out and keep going, i'll get a twitch.

 

3. If i'm home alone I will go all Rambo on a spider, but if my husband is home, i'll run screaming like a big baby.

 

4. I love to draw and paint.  I'm hoping I can start back up again soon.  I haven't done it in so long, and its starting to feel like a part of me is missing.

 

5. I am 100%, head over heels, completely, unapologetically (Is that a word? Ha!) addicted to Dr. Pepper. 

 

6. I think I get more excited about the animals at the zoo than my kids do.

 

7. I make some mean homemade rolls. 

 

Today.

I write about living with anxiety and depression quite a bit, because it's part of who I am.  It is always there.  Sometimes its quiet melody, playing softly in my ear.  Other times its a loud roar, plucking away at my brain.  I can feel it fading away, so I know i'm going to find myself again for awhile.  I have more energy, i'm calm, i'm content.  I know it will be back again, but today, today its a quiet melody.  Today, my music is my babies laughter.

Moms, help me out!

So I don't have enough energy to write a blog today, I have a nasty head cold.  I blame my sister the teacher, who passes her nasty school germs to me.  She might be doing it on purpose.  Hmmmm...

Anyway, today I am desperately in need your advice!

*My 16 month old is underweight.  She doesn't even weigh 20 pounds yet.  I've been giving her Pediasure every other day, and trying to get her to eat more cheese, eggs, etc.  Has anyone had any luck getting their kids to gain weight?  Help!!

*My two and a half year old won't stay off his sister, the blinds, out of the drawers, the TV...you name it he gets into it or on it.  If I leave him in his room to play he destroys his bedroom, he runs around screaming. I have to gate him in with me all day, because if I give him a little freedom, he, y'know, gets the childproof cap off the Nyquil and dumps it all over the carpet. I cannot get a handle on him. When he's good, he is so good, when he's naughty, he is soooooo naughty. Any moms out their with a nutso two year old?

Thanks!

Ahhh, i'm so awkward!

Anyone out there as hopelessly awkward as I am?  

Some moments in my awkward life:

1. I am embarrassingly horrible not very good at making smalltalk with strangers.  Usually, conversations with people I don't know consist of me wringing my hands nervously and nodding while smiling like a maniac.  There may be a grunt or two thrown in instead of words because my throat has seized up, but that's only when I really want people to think i'm a moron.

2. I am always doing something stupid on accident in front of an audience.  Winter in our first apartment led to two of the most mortifying experiences of my life in the same day:

*We had to park on the street, and the town we lived in didn't plow really well, or the guy was drunk and had his eyes closed.  Either way, I had to drive my daughter school in the mornings.  One lovely (bah!) morning I went to start my car.  Did I mention I had a neighbor dude that left the same time everyday? Well..yeah, he did.  Anyway, I go clomping across the yard, and attempt to open the passenger side door so I can just lean over and start the car.  Doors stuck.  Yank door.  Doors still stuck.  Yank harder. Doors stuck.  Grunt hello to neighbor.  Yank on door.  Lose my footing.  Slide completely underneath car.  I was still holding on to the door handle, though.  I'm cool like that.

*After shimmying my ass out from under the car I took a minute and made sure that had really just happened  I wasn't injured. I finally forced the car door open, then forced the drivers side open. (without sliding back under my car...small victories) As Em and I were leaving, so was neighbor dude.  I was in front of him. We both had to make right turns at the stop sign from our corner apartment.  I stop, I turn right, the drivers side door flies open.  I'm not talking a little bit, I mean I ended up turning the corner and trying to ram my car door shut without yanking my arm out of the socket. 

Talk about feeling like ding dong. I'm lucky neighbor dude didn't call child services to report suspicion of a drunk mother. Nope, i'm not a drunk, i'm just unfortunate.

3. I always apologize to strangers for being in their presence.  I apologized yesterday on my way into the bank because someone was walking out the door.  We weren't even going to run into each other or get in one anothers way.  I was apparently just apologizing for being out in public.

4. I trip over nothing, I fall up stairs, I drop everything, including my children on more than one occasion, I run into walls.  Lets just say it's part of my charm so I don't feel like a spaz?

5. When I fall down, which is more often than i'd like to admit, it's always spectacular.  Like, outside a Quizno's when the ice cream place next door was having free flipping ice cream night.  The only thing that got me off the ground and to the car on my messed up ankle was my pride.  Sigh.

Those don't sound to bad, I know.  I don't have a lot in me today, I caught some funk nasty cold and my brain hurts.

So, tell me, are you blessed with being awkward like I am? 

Just what I needed.

It's been a challenging weekend. I have been pretty overwhelmed and weary.  Taking care of my husbands needs as he recovers, attempting to keep the kids occupied, trying to figure out how the damn dishes keep reproducing so quickly...

It was a nice break outside with the kids today, just to watch them have fun, to let myself relax for awhile and wander around the yard with my loves.  It's those kind of afternoons that bring me back to the present, out of my head and into the moment. It's easy for me to get caught up in everything that needs done, and forget how to let it go. Its nice to find a little peace, and to see those little glimpses of God at work!



Getting a little guidance from the big sis.





She's beautiful.




Ellie wrote that herself.  Pretty good for a 16 month old!




Em teaching Ellie the finer points of chalk drawing.




Running after his sis.




Watching two sisters just love each other.




Look what Noah found!




My boy in boots.




Blue skies all around me...



The year's at the spring
And day's at the morn;
Morning's at seven;
The hillside's dew-pearled;
The lark's on the wing;
The snail's on the thorn;
God's in His heaven -
All's right with the world!
-Robert Browning

Having manners is soooo last week!

Rawrrrrrrrrrr

I was perusing around the blog world tonight when I ran across a blog posted about children and manners.  The writer of the blog took offense to a list of manners kids should know she read in a magazine. 

Insulting her so thoroughly that she felt compelled to skewer them in her blog were things like:

Waiting until someone is done speaking before they speak, as in don't interrupt.  (She blogs that by making a child not interrupt someone we are telling them their feelings are unimportant.)  How about we're teaching them not to be rude?

If you are not sure if you are allowed to do something, ask your parent. (blogger says we're not letting children learn how to make their own choices.)I guess she'd be cool with it if her kid gets the inclination to paint the living room black or take a poop in her shoes, he's learning how to make choices!

Try to keep negative comments to a minimum. (says we're telling them their opinions aren't important.) No we're teaching them not to be giant complainers no one wants to be around.

Even if you are bored or disinterested in whats going on around you (like at a play), sit quietly and show respect to the people around you. (says we're not letting our children be authentic, teaching them to be "fake") Oh i'm sorry, I guess I should let my children sigh, yell, run around, and be disrespectful to the people around us.  Don't want my child to feel...inauthentic.

Show gratitude when someone helps you, and they will be likely to help you again. (says we're teaching that manners = manipulation of others.) I thought I was teaching my children to be grateful when someone helps them, not to be selfish and dismissive.

I literally was rolling my eyes as I read what she wrote.  I know everyone has an opinion about how their children should be raised, but what in the world did I stumble upon?  I honestly did not get the point she was trying to make.  I shouldn't teach my children how to be respectful, how to look to me when they are unsure if what they are doing is right, that they can interrupt anyone they want at any time, that they can express their boredom in a situation any time they choose, that they shouldn't tell someone thank you for help them so the person doesn't feel manipulated, all so my child can feel...authentic?  WHAT THE HELL DID I READ?  Somewhere, some lady is teaching her children to be "authentic" little a-holes.

I am no where near a perfect mother, I know this.  I make mistakes, I do things other people don't agree with, but I will teach my children how to respect the people in this world. Whether lady blogger likes it or not, i'm thinking manners are here to stay.   

"A dying culture invariably exhibits personal rudeness. Bad manners. Lack of consideration for others in minor matters. A loss of politeness, of gentle manners, is more significant than is a riot..."

— Robert A. Heinlein

"Life is short, but there is always time enough for courtesy."

— Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

"It is a wise thing to be polite; consequently, it is a stupid thing to be rude. To make enemies by unnecessary and willful incivility, is just as insane a proceeding as to set your house on fire. For politeness is like a counter--an avowedly false coin, with which it is foolish to be stingy."

— Arthur Schopenhauer

Throw down at the Urologists office!

So I'm not big on confrontation. Not my style.  My style is not to leave the house and avoid people as much as possible.

Anyway....

I got into the WORLD'S DUMBEST FIGHT today.

Today my husband went in for the Big V, as in the 'ol vasectomy. 

When we went up to sign in, the receptionist handed him papers to sign.  I started reading it and telling him where to mark and sign his name because he was on Valium and Vicodin.  This snotty voice says, Umm, those are HIS papers, HE needs to read them over and HE needs to sign them, not YOU.

That was her first mistake, having the shitty tone in her voice.

Then she informs us that they need 500.00 as payment.  I tell her, innocently enough, that I didn't realize we had to pay the full amount today.  She looks at me like I was a moron and says, You have to pay it all right now, you knew this in a very condescending tone.  Second mistake, acting like I was trying not to pay, like I should have had 500 bucks stuffed in my jeans pocket. (doesn't everyone?)

Now, once again, I don't go out looking to pick fights with people, but SOMEBODY seemed to be looking for a fight with me.  Maybe she didn't like my purse?  

So I say to her, again, I didn't realize we had to pay the full amount, I wasn't prepared to pay that today.

Here's where she made her final mistake.  She started talking to me like I was stupid.  It was IN the papers he signed at the OTHER office, YOU AGREED to pay 500.00 blah blah bitch bitch blah shitty tone blah.. if you WANT me to PRINT you out a copy to PROVE it to you I will...

I looked at my husband.  He looked at me.  I leaned over to her and said, "I know we had to pay 500.00.  No one told us we had to pay it all today.  I will be glad to get it for you.  You don't need to have an attitude with us."

I flustered the hell out of that dragon lady.  She starts sputtering about how she DID NOT have an attitude with us, to which I respond in the most grown up way possible with a big, "yes you did."  Yeahhhh...

So I went down to the handy hospital ATM, went back up to their office, smacked the 500 bucks on the desk, and gave her a nice big "I hope something shits in your mouth while your sleeping tonight" smile.

I should have gone to the bank and got it in pennies.

Think I ruined her morning? 

Now my poor husband is down in bed with frozen veggies in his...area....and I'm on single parent duty for the next few days.  Pray for me!

Stupid lady...

Why Walmart Sucks (it's just my opinion!)

I have become anti-Walmart,  I literally cannot remember the last time I've been there.  I have compiled a handy list of all the reasons Walmart blows the big one. (and you all know how I love lists!)

1. Have you ever been inside a Walmart?  That completes my list. Ha! Just kidding...kinda....
2. It's always boiling hot inside, no matter what time of year.  Have you ever walked inside a Walmart when its 90 degrees outside and thought, ahh feel that cold air, that's a relief?  No, you walk in and think to yourself, holy crap I'm totally going to get boob sweat on my shirt.
3. You could, at any moment, get crap bombed by the birds flying around the rafters.
4. Pregnant teenagers in sweat pants buying Cheetos and beer.
5. The only thing they carry that wasn't made in China is the dirt piling up in the corners.
6. That guy wandering around the store with his cart stuffed with forty seven 2-liters of Pepsi.
7. The surly door greeters.
8. The bathrooms all smell like dirty feet.
9.  All they sell is old potatoes...rotten produce...furry strawberries...
10.The cashiers tell you weird, personal things without being prompted. "My husband is an alcoholic." (true story)
11. It doesn't matter what time of year, day, how busy they are, how long the lines are, they never EVER have enough lines open. 
12. They'll have 4 lines open with the slowest mean-as-a-sonofabitch-cashiers on the planet and one with a fast, efficient, and friendly cashier.  Guess which lines I would always get stuck in?  The ones telling me about their drunky husband.
13. Aggressive white trashers in some sort of cartoon character themed t-shirt.
14. The Walmart in my town is located literally right next to the town sewer plant (aka "The Shit Station.")  Guess what it always smells like?  You guessed it!  It smells like our entire city took a poopy in the parking lot.  I like to call it "Eau de Walmart"
15. I spent MORE money shopping at Walmart every week than I do shopping at the other grocery stores I frequent, even with me buying a good portion of organic foods.

Time for me to get all preachy on ya!

In all seriousness, I used to think it was all my family could afford, but I was wrong.  I spend less at other stores for some reason, less impulse buying maybe? It's a mystery!  : )

We have a BJ's membership (we used to have a Sam's Club membership, so no griping to me about yearly fees compared to just shopping at the Wally!) where we buy toilet paper, paper towels, cereal, pasta, etc.  They have coupon books you get every month, and take manufacturers coupons ON TOP of their coupons.  That's where we stock up.

I went to Giant Eagle this evening and spent 180.00. 
40.00 was diapers (2 cases)
So that's 140.00
10.00 was Pediasure for my underweight toddler (she's trying to kill me with stress)
We're down to 130.00
On top of my regular groceries, I got organic apple juice for 2.99, organic peanut butter for 2.99, organic jelly 2 for 6.00, organic graham crackers for 2.99, organic kids vitamins for 7.99, and organic yogurt 10 for 8.00.  I got enough groceries for the next 2 weeks (except bread and milk) and I spent 130.00.

So why in the world would I go to Walmart? I'm not saving money going there, and it's just awful and makes me cranky. : )  

It's also important to remember to buy local as much as you can.  Farmer's markets, etc.  We have a few small family owned markets about 15 minutes away from us with a fantastic produce selection and homemade goods.  It's amazing what you find when you take the time to investigate!

Check this website out, research Walmarts shady dealings, like their nasty labor practices. Try shopping somewhere else and see if you save any money, challenge yourself! 

More and more Americans are asking about the price that we have to pay when Wal-Mart comes into a community, treats workers poorly, violates immigration laws and squashes small businesses.

-Anthony Weiner

 

I can't find the off button!!

Dear Noah,

It's 10 o' clock at night and mommy is sitting on the floor in your room because you won't go to sleep. You, my dear child, are laying in your bed singing "marching band...marching band" while watching Megamind for the 900th time.  While I should be treasuring this moment, or whatever, I'm actually just really wanting to go to sleep. You know why mommy wants to go to sleep, my precious little peanut?  Let mommy tell you:

1. The first thing you did this morning was run through the house screaming.
2. I had to chase you through the kitchen and living room for 10 minutes just to get you into your seat for breakfast. 
3. You and your sister then ate my breakfast.
4. We went to the family room to start our day, where you proceeded to overturn and empty the basket holding the diaper paraphernalia, climb on it, and slam the blinds into the window while roaring like a dinosaur.
5. You then overturned mommy's decorative box she got from her dear grandmas house after she passed away and attempted to do a jig on it.
6. Then you laid on your sister and made her cry, for the first of 100 times today.
7. You and your sister then pooped in tandem, because you have an evil plot against me.
8. While I was playing with your sister, you climbed on the desk chair, got down your DVDs and threw them all over the room while screaming with glee.
9. You stole your sisters juice out of her hands which made her scream, and made me start getting an eye twitch.
10. You made mommy's eye twitch get twitchier when she realized it was only 9 in the morning!!!!!!!!

Now, my love, I know you have...let's call it...lots of energy.  That's one of the very things about you mommy loves, but how about we call it a night?  Lets say we pick this up again first thing in the morning, because I am pooped!!

Pretty please.....

Pretty, pretty please?

"So, fall asleep love, loved by me...
For I know love, I am loved by thee."
 Robert Browning

SAHM becoming dirty words?

I've noticed women can advocate breastfeeding, cloth diapering, homeschooling, going organic, not going organic, and a myriad of other lifestyle choices and have open, thought provoking conversations. Women who stay at home seem to get attacked when they promote or suggest women (or men) should be at home. I know I've been attacked by voicing my views on the subject, have my other SAHM's out there?  So, should I not promote raising your own children so I won't hurt women's feelings who work outside the home? How about when SAHM's like me run into writing like this.

p. 24: This less flourishing sphere [the household] is not the natural or moral responsibility only of women. Therefore, assigning it to women is unjust. Women assigning it to themselves is equally unjust.



No kidding. Especially when it wasn't your decision, but the decision of millions of selfish asshat SAHMs who don't want to have a job.

Reads lovely, doesn't it?  We're not supposed to be offended?  We've become selfish because we want to keep our homes and raise our own children. How backwards of us.

Being a stay at home mom is not something that garners a lot of respect or tolerance, except among other SAHM's.  That's why blogging, and connecting with other like minded people, has been great for me.  It's nice to hear someone else say, yeah you made the right choice. Isn't that what is it, in the end.  A choice?  I chose to quit cutting hair to stay home, I choose to go without luxuries, etc.  I read an article proclaiming that women should NOT stay home with their children or be homemakers because if they would ever need to reenter the workforce, they could have a difficult time finding a good job.  I don't know about other SAHM's, but I'm not worried about the ifs or whens just the nows. NOW is where I am, NOW is when my children need me, NOW is when I have this time to make these memories, NOW is all we have.  As they say, tomorrow isn't promised. 

So, are we (myself and my fellow SAHM's) supposed to keep our mouths shut about what we believe because someones feelings might get hurt?  Why are our opinions not OK?  Why can't I say to someone, have you ever thought about becoming a SAHM, without them being offended?  Do you know how often I'm asked when I'm planning on going back to work?  Should I be offended by that question?  

They say "Home is where your heart is."  My children and my husband are my heart, that is why I'm home. 

The above statement should offend a few people.

So I ask:

How many women out there have chosen being a SAHM as their career?  How many are proud, like me, to be one to raise your children? (another offending sentence.)  How many of you has chosen it, like I have, because I can't imagine not being home with them everyday?  Am I the only one who feels like I'm being pushed into a corner and having fingers pointed at me by being a SAHM?



A Good Monday!

I couldn't have asked for a better start to my week, watching my beautiful boy create works of art.  There is something freeing to my soul to sit and watch art being born from his tiny hands.  His joy was catching, he made me laugh, made tears come to my eyes.  It's these little moments that remind me how lucky I am to get to be home with my babies. 

"To be in your children's memories tomorrow,

You have to be in their lives today."

— Barbara Johnson



A few things about me...

1. I always smell cups before I put liquid into them.  It if smells wrong, I'll get another cup.  I have no idea what the "wrong" smell is, but I do know that it's a weird habit.

2. My favorite kind of books are about supernatural happenings.  If it has ghosts, vampires, witches, or anything like that, I've probably read it.

3. I am a terrible sleeper.  I never sleep through the night, and I have crazy elaborate dreams that wake me up all the time. 

4. My favorite place to go is Amish Country.  It's where I buy all my flour, sugar, dried beans, and anything else I can pick up.  Where else can you buy 25 pounds of flour for 12 bucks?

5. I'm sad it's time to potty train my son, I feel like he's growing up so fast, I can't keep up.

6. I hate loading and unloading the dishwasher.  I'd rather scrub toilets.

7. I miss going to the movies all the time, like we did before the babies. Now I don't want to spend the money, or take the time to find a babysitter.

8. I say you know what I mean? A lot when I talk.  You know what I mean?  

9. My husband rubs my feet almost every night.  It helps me relax so I can fall asleep, and its one of my favorite things in the world.

10. I dislike people who take themselves too seriously.  I think God gave us humor, along with everything else.  Embrace it!

11. I saw this picture last night and laughed like a hyena. 

Do you have any random facts about you, that you'd like to share with me? 

Some Days...

Sometimes I look in the mirror in the morning, feel my depression and anxiety creeping up on me and think, oh no...

It's going to be a Some Days time.

Some days I lose my temper.

Some days I close my eyes, hang my head, and wish it was the babies bedtimes.

Some days I hurry them through lunch, so I can get them into their beds for a nap, so I can sit in the quiet for a little bit.

Some days we have hot dogs and mac and cheese, because I don't feel like making a big homemade dinner.

Some days I want to leave.  Not forever, just for an hour or two, to remember I'm not just a mom and wife. 

Some days when Bobby gets home from work, I escape to my bed for awhile, so I can read, find some peace, or take a nap.

Some days I don't feel like cleaning up, or doing the dishes, or sweeping the carpet.

Some days my depression and anxiety become too much for me to deal with, because I chose to stay on the lowest dose of medication.

Some days I feel like a failure

Some days it's hard to be a great mama.

BUT....Most of the time, it's not hard at all. 

Most days, I get the house cleaned up in the morning.

Most days, I dance with my babies in the living room.

Most days, I sit with them while they eat lunch, and we sing songs and talk and laugh.

Most days I cook yummy homemade food for dinner.

Most days, I sit on the floor and play babies with Ellie, dinosaurs with Noah, we cook fake food in the fake kitchen, and make the living room floor a racetrack.

Most days I sit on the couch and watch cartoons, with my babies snuggled on either side of me.

Most days are good.

I always give kisses, hugs, and I love yous. Because no matter how bad I feel, my love for my babies is overflowing.

Some days its hard battling depression and anxiety, and being a mom.  It is a tough battle.

I always know it's going to get better.

I always know my husband understands, and does his best to be there for me.

I know I'm not the only mama going through this.

I know I have a family that loves me.

I have Hope and I have Faith that someday there will be no more Some Days.

"Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says, "But doctor...I am Pagliacci."

— Alan Moore

"My schedule for today lists a

six-hour self-accusatory depression."

— Philip K. Dick

Along Comes Debbie Downer...

You're enjoying your day

Everything's going your way

Then along comes Debbie Downer.

Always there to tell you 'bout a new disease

A car accident or killer bees

You'll beg her to spare you, "Debbie, Please!"

But you can't stop Debbie Downer!

We all know someone like this, right?  Someone ready to swoop in and throw their grenade into the conversation...

Having trouble picturing someone you know?  Then it's you.  WAH WAH

I have compiled a handy list on how tell if you are a Debbie Downer.

We're going with the most obvious for number one. 

1. Do people run away when they see you coming?

2. Think about all your "factoids" you've acquired and love to share.  Do they contain any words like

*cancer 

*dying 

*bad for you

*mad cow disease

*agenda

*leads to

*I wouldn't
*syphilis
*conspiracy

3. Do you enjoy Fox News?
4. Is your favorite color beige?
5. Do you start sentences with "did you know..."
6. Do you get into a lot of arguments?
7. Do you spend inordinate amounts of time reading about every thing that will or can kill you ?
8. Do you think you're the smartest person you know, and want everyone to know it, too?
9. Do people actually refer to you as Debbie Downer?
10. Some yells WAH WAHHHHHH after you speak?

If you answered YES to any of these questions, you are a giant grump ass...a curmudgeon, if you will.

So here, sourpusses, are a few uplifting quotes to help you get over yourselves!

WAHHH WAHHHH!!

Happiness is an attitude.

We either make ourselves miserable,

or happy and strong.

The amount of work is the same.

-Francesca Reigler


The Constitution only guarantees
the American people
the right to pursue happiness.
You have to catch it yourself.
-Benjamin Franklin

Fun With Pictures!

Evenin'!

Today's blog is brought to you by me, the girl coming down of a painkiller high! (Thanks mom!)

How many people do you know that can throw their back out selling Avon?

I just killed a spider with a toilet plunger.

Anyways...

You know why we're awesome?!? 

We take pictures like this:



There she is, Mommy's little genius.

They were discussing astrophysics and the meaning of life.

Trying to fatten her up with a milkshake.

Still learning proper straw usage..

He has a tongue...



She has a tongue... 

Me has a tongue...

Give the chick with T-Rex arms the camera,

she'll get everyone in the shot!

My husband has major photo issues, he can't take a picture

without making a stupid face...either that or he's just weird looking.

Yeah, we're the coolest!

So happy together!

Nothing beats a lazy Sunday!

Pajamas on all day?  Showers at 3 in the afternoon?  Sounds like a plan!

Noah passed out on his floor...I wonder if he was

trying to send me a message with that A on his arm?

Like, "A mom, clean up my room!"

We had a fantastically fantastic day!!

Chloe Louise was not amused.