Life As 5: January 2011

Happy, Lucky Idiot

My husband and I were talking about how nice it is to stay home instead of running from place to place. How connected we feel again. We used to run, run, run. Buy, buy,buy... For the last month we've been staying home. We've quit spending money on unnecessary, trivial crap. The less we spend, the easier it gets. The more time at home, the more moments with our family are captured.

The babies, playing with a plastic container and making us laugh

Em and Noah playing out in the snow with Grandpa and daddy

The babies and I, playing in the patch of sun on the carpet this morning

All we have our these moments. This is what the kids are going to remember. Not what I decorated the house with, or what clothes I thought I had to buy them. I want them to remember having fun. I want to make worthwile memories with these little beings.

I have to be proud to live this life, and teach them the value of family and faith. I couldn't do that if we would have continued down that path of wastefulness. That path leads to regret. I've had enough regrets in this life.

"If you have time to chatter,

Read books.

If you have time to read,

Walk into mountain, desert and ocean.

If you have time to walk,

Sing songs and dance.

If you have time to dance,

Sit quietly, you happy, lucky idiot."

— Nanao Sakaki

I Ask the Impossible

I Ask the Impossible

I ask the impossible: love me forever.

Love me when all desire is gone.

Love me with the single-mindedness of a monk.

When the world in its entirety,

and all that you hold sacred, advise you

against it: love me still more.

When rage fills you and has no name: love me.

When each step from your

door to your job tires you—

love me; and from job to home again.

Love me when you’re bored—

when every woman you see is more beautiful than the last,

or more pathetic, love me as you always have:

not as admirer or judge, but with

the compassion you save for yourself

in your solitude.

Love me as you relish your loneliness,

the anticipation of your death,

mysteries of the flesh, as it tears and mends.

Love me as your most treasured childhood memory—

and if there is none to recall—

imagine one, place me there with you.

Love me withered as you loved me new.

Love me as if I were forever—

and I will make the impossible

a simple act,

by loving you, loving you as I do.

-Ana Castillo

"Stones in the road? I save every single one, one day I´ll build a castle"

— Fernando Pessoa

Post image for Setting Reachable Goals for 2011

It's a Mystery!

Mystery of the Universe:

Why everytime I brag about how smart my kids are, they do something that makes them look like total ding dongs?? I was bragging to my sister about Ellie's mad genius and she was bent over trying to lick her play keyboard. Ahhh kids....

It's hard to admit you had lost control of yourself. Sitting at counseling, signing a paper saying you have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and the yucky sounding Major Depressive Disorder is not a good time. But, I've hitched up my pants and gotten my feet dirty trying to get healthy.

So what comes out of evaluating yourself with someone else? Resolutions. Or, I should probably say *goals* Here are a few:

1. Quit being bat shit crazy.

Just kidding.....kind of....

2. Let go of shouldering other peoples problems. Having my counselor tell me over and over "it's not your responsibility" has finally sunk in. My responsibility is to my husband, children and myself. What I decide to do outside of that for someone else is my choice.

3. Quit feeling guilty if I don't get something done. I tell my counselor I feel bad because the floor needs scrubbed or the laundry needs done. He responds with, "why feel bad about it?" Finally it sinks in. Its just some damn laundry.

4. Don't apologize for needing sleep. I don't sleep, I can't function. I turn into a drooling incoherent moron when I have a bad night of sleep.

5. Quit listening to peoples opinions about your children. Opinions are like assholes, y'know.

So on I go...on and on....

"I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship."

— Louisa May Alcott

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication."

— Leonardo da Vinci

Dianne Poinski

"Simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance."

— Coco Chanel

Book it!

Read some good ones lately!

I finished Dean Koontzs' new book. It wasn't my favorite. It had a great idea, great story, but I thought it kind of lost it in the end. It felt rushed.

I read A Great and Terrible Beauty. It's a YA novel, but I really enjoyed it. The first couple chapters were slow, but then I couldn't put it down! There is a second in the series, I need to put on hold at the library.

I was excited to read The Exile by Diana Gabaldon. I love the Outlander series and it was fun to see the characters in this graphic novel. It took me about an hour to read. Loved it!

Garden Spells was a magical little book. What a fun, easy read!

The Transformation of Things turned out to be a pretty good book. I didn't like it at first, and almost put it down. I kept with it because I wanted to see how it ended, and about halfway through it got better.

Right now i'm reading two books.

The Swan Thieves by Elizabeth Kostova is a lovely read. I love the way she writes.

Santa Olivia by Jacqueline Carey. Good book. Go read it. Now. I am.

I need to go to the library, i'm almost out of books!

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book. -Author Unknown

Each day, awakening, are we asked to paint the sky blue? Need we coax the sun to rise or flowers to bloom? Need we teach birds to sing, or children to laugh, or lovers to kiss? No, though we think the world imperfect, it surrounds us each day with its perfections. We are asked only to appreciate them, and to show appreciation by living in peaceful harmony amidst them. The Creator does not ask that we create a perfect world; He asks that we celebrate it. -Robert Brault