My reality is I barely have money for gifts this year. I went shopping with my mom and sister-in-law today (well, I watched them shop) and I got choked up talking about how few gifts I had for the kids. They only have a few things each. And I know it's not about the presents, but I like giving gifts. And i'm shallow and materialistic, yo.
And then I got home and panicked. I have six nieces and nephews. I have in-laws...i'm hosting Christmas Eve at my house this year. I'm going to have to feed my husbands family! I have bills. What in the hell am I going to do? I sat there for a few minutes, and thought about things in the house I could sell. Crooked lamp, anyone?
I think Bob noticed the worry on my face . Ok, it was a wild look of panic. He came over and sat next to me, asked me what was wrong. I asked him how much he thought we could hock my engagement and wedding bands for. I was
I have no monies.
I tried to devise a solution. He didn't warm to my "pimping out his hard workin' ass" suggestion. I thought it was a good plan, but whatever. We could do the 'ol slip and fall and sue, but the money totally wouldn't come in before Christmas. Credit card fraud? Bob's too pretty for jail.
So, Lindsay is feeling a bit desperate and scared during this, the most wonderful time of the year. I literally have no idea how i'm going to do this. I wonder if I can feed his family homemade bread for our meal...just bread and water. We can have a Very Merry Jail Christmas Dinner.
Some people fantasize about vacations and new Coach bags. I fantasize about having enough money in my bank account that I don't burst into tears every two weeks after I pay the bills.
We went to Pat Catan's today, one of my most favorite places to be. They have oils, and canvasses, watercolors, paper, clay, beads, glitter, flowers, felt, pencils...shiver...and I was pushing my mom and doing the "Ooo I want that..Oooo I want THAT." She told me I had champagne tastes on a beer budget. Because I want pencils and paper to draw with. If you're so poor at almost 30 that a PENCIL is a champagne budget, you are a loser. A bigg'un.
I've been very weepy today, as I wandered the house looking for shit to try to sell. I hate when you try to make all the right choices for your family and it just blows. Because you know what? Having no money blows. There's a difference between "living simply" and "we can't get glasses and shoes and go to the dentist and buy food and presents." And yes, I am having a pity party right now. A large one.
I wonder if my nieces and nephews would like tree branches whittled to look like...smaller tree branches?