What does that feel like? To just shop?
To not be crouched over in the food court counting what's left of your fast dwindling money wondering why you even came on a vacation you can't afford in the first place?
I watched a woman buy her teenage daughter a fancy new cover for her expensive phone while I clutched my secondhand from my mom-because ours broke-no bells and whistles-phone in my hand.
I know why we're poor. It's not a mystery. It's the choice we made so I can stay home. Most of the time I don't care, I take deep pride in being a stay at home mama to my babies.
Sometimes though, I want to just buy shit I don't need.
I wanted to buy Emily that hideously ugly skirt she loved at Saks. I wanted to buy Ellie this giant stuffed dog she shed tears over because we had to leave it behind at the toy store. I wanted to buy Noah a giant dinosaur and my husband more than his one hat a year. I wanted to buy Bob and I clothes that aren't three years old, and worn thin.
I just wanted, for a few moments, to forget.
I hate that hesitation when one of my kids hands me something they want. That hesitation while I flip it over to look at the price, because I know I'm going to have to tell them no.
I have to tell myself no all the time. At the grocery store, when something is too expensive. When I need new clothes or shoes, or I want something for the house. Sometimes I want it to be a yes.
I try to live simply, and be grateful for what I have. Is it wrong to want to be someone else for a day, to be greedy?
Is it selfish of me to want things I don't need or do need but can't have....?
Don't we all wish!!!!
ReplyDeletel love you but i don't know how i can ever be beside you...
DeleteSometimes I tell my husband that I wish I could just find $300 in a parking lot...that's horrible isn't it? haha.
ReplyDeleteI had to do the same thing to my daughter today at Target. She wanted a toy that was too expensive, so I had to talk her into wanting a less expensive toy. Even though it would be nice to buy our children whatever they want, not doing so is actually making them better people. Because they won't be spoiled and expect everything to fall into their lap. (Or atleast I tell myself that's what it's doing, lol.)
First, let me say till I was 9 my mom stayed home with us, we may not have had everything we may have wanted, but I don't really remember ever feeling deprived. When I was 10 my mom started to work and then I had tons of things, lots of material things, truth is I really only wanted my mom home. In my humble oppion, it is the best gift I can give my children. We don't go on fancy vactions or have a very fancy lifestyle, though we do live nicely. In our community going to great place on vaction or having the newest thing is very common. My kids have nice things but not everything. Some is by budget, some is by design. I do belive that if a child wants something that I don't have the money for it is a great teaching moment. I want my kids to know they can have anything they want if they are willing to work and find a way. If Emma really wants a facy skiry maybe there is way she can earn money. Mabye being a Mothers helper, or whatever. I would imagine that if she had to work to buy the skirt, and it took her a while to save for it, it would really mean something to her. I belive there is always a way, we just have to be willing to look for it. I bleive that we have what we put out in the unvierse. If I belive I can have what I want I approach the world very diffrently than if I just say I can't have it. I then also find I'm happier with the choices I make. Anyway, that is my 2 cents on the subject! Wishing you everything your heart desires!!
ReplyDeleteOh, Em does earn her own money. She dog-sits for our neighbors and she helps me clean my parents home. I was just talking about what it's like to not worry about money for a few moments, y'know?
ReplyDeleteCompletely agree! Thank you for this blog!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure if you asked the lady's child you saw with the fancy phone if she wished her mom stayed home, or spent more time with her, I bet she would say yes, the "fancy life style" can come at a much higher cost, the cost being our children feeling alone and 2nd to material things. You are doing a great job being at home with yours and being there for them! Many Blessings to you!
ReplyDeleteI think for those of us who don't have the luxury to "just shop cuz I want it", we have those moments where we wish money wasn't an issue.
ReplyDeleteI'm right there with ya. I debate over going back to work, but I love that my 2 year old son doesn't have to go to a daycare. My husband and I discuss having more children but lets face it...kids are EXPENSIVE! I wish I had more kids and more money though for now, I'm grateful that we only have the one we can afford. :/
ReplyDeleteP.S.
Now I want to go to our local 7/11 and buy a lottery ticket. ;p
http://theaddcrafters.blogspot.com/
It's not selfish, it's human.
ReplyDeleteYou are not harming your kids. If anything, you are doing them a favor, as growing up thnking you can get whatever you want, anytime you want, without effort, is hazardous to ones health and happiness. Really.
Buying whatever you want sounds so great, but thats only when you can't do it. while Ive never been super rich, I sure made enough money to get just about anything I wanted, less the mansion and porsche. Now I don't, and life is not much different.
totally totally with you!!! we are fighting to make ends meet after the birth of our first baby and i'm staying home. but not a day goes by when i realize how worth it this all is. sometimes it's hard but i'm so glad that the material things aren't what is important. loved loved this post and love your blog! mama tao sent me! :D
ReplyDeleteRuth