The early days, when we first met. I remember sitting on the counter at Subway, fascinated by your life. The instant ease of our friendship, the give and take. How did we go from there to here, no longer together? How does a friendship deteriorate after so many years? Was it you, was it me...fate? Does it matter anymore? How many heartbreaks did we see each other through, in the end you ended up being one of my biggest.
I told Bobby the other day, I miss you. I really do, but I remember how far apart we are. Two different lives, shouldn't matter but it did. It was you, all those nights, laughing and talking and crying. And now it's not you, it's as easy and as complicated as that.
Remember the booze crashing down the stairs, water fights, late night phone calls. Endless packs of cigarettes in the early morning hours, crazy videos, cookies and milk. Mattresses dragged into the living room, Shakespeare in Love, homemade salsa. The bars, the boys, the trip to Dayton. Running from your fish, Denny's in the middle of the night, your giant white couch. Where did it all go? Into my memory bank and tear ducts.
How do I let go of you? That is the lesson I am learning right now. With anger or regret, fond memories or wistful moments in the kitchen? A life lesson not taught, how to process the end of the deep love of friendship without losing a part of yourself. Because I have lost a part of myself, a hole I cannot fill no matter how much I try.
How do I say, without you I would not be me? Without you I wouldn't have discovered who I could be, how many nights and days and nights all blur together of us talking, mapping out our lives, philosophers on the couch.
Yet, this must be the way life is supposed to happen. If we believe our paths will lead us straight and true, then what comes what may we deal with, as it is handed to us.
Are you ever frozen by those songs, and laugh at the memories? Maybe is was Memphis, but there is no Arizona, right?
There is just me, left alone with my memories. There's just me, without you, my lost friend.
Someday many years from now
We'll sit beside the candles glow
Exchanging tales about our past
And laughing as the memories flow
And when that distant day arrives
I know it will be understood
That friendship is the key to live
And we were friends and it was good.