I was perusing the SAHM websites and looking for ways to stretch our pennies and came across this (Stay at Home mom looks for rebuttal.) I find it very sad that women have to defend thier natural right to raise their children and be a homemaker. I enjoyed the answers given, though!
Stay at Home Mom
Looks for Rebuttal
The Problem:
Need Stay-at-Home Mom Rebuttal
I recently became a stay-at-home mom when we had our first baby six months ago. My husband and I are living very frugally so that I could give up my job and raise my son. But one thing that really annoys me is when people find out that I'm a stay-at-home mom, their response is "Boy, I'd really like to do that but we really can't afford it, or I'm not able to give up my job." It gets to me because it implies that we are very wealthy and living in the lap of luxury. Do any of your readers have any advice on how to handle this situation? Or any rebuttals to the comments that would get the point across without offending the people (Many of the comments come from my husband's co-workers).
Suzanne
With Sacrifice
When working moms mention to me that they wish they could stay home like I am, but that they could never afford it, I say "It's a difficult adjustment, but with a little sacrificing here and there, we're doing okay." When they hear this, their assumption that I'm living in the lap of luxury usually changes to a question about my frugal lifestyle (which I'm always happy to share) and how they can make it work for them too.
KRF
It's Just Amazement
These comments are most likely out of amazement rather than spite. You might try answering them this way. "We thought we'd never be able to afford it either. But once we added up all the costs of working, we found that if we were careful with our pennies, I could indeed stay home and raise my own children." You may end up with some "converts" once they find out exactly how you and your husband are coping on one salary.
Julie
Stay-at-home mom of 4, living well on less than $20,000 per year
You Are Rich
I've got the perfect answer for the woman who has to put up with the comments about people thinking that they're (the woman and hubby) rich. Let them think that. You already are rich. You made yourself the opportunity of staying home with the baby. Those first years with baby are more important than money to keep up with the Jones's. You're one of the few who realize that.
Christine
Something to Think About
I went through the exact situation when I decided to quit my job to stay at home with my two children.
Sometimes the people who say this aren't necessarily implying that you are so wealthy as much as the fact they are trying to justify their own guilt for not having the courage and discipline to "sacrifice" the material goods of the world for their children's' well-being. When I think this is the case, I usually let it slide because I have to kind of feel sorry for them. However, when I think the situation requires a response I usually say, "I know I am lucky" or "Well, I think it's all a matter of priority." This usually ends the conversation. In my experience, it has not offended the people I am speaking with, rather it has sent them away in deep thought. In two cases, I found the people coming to me for help as they began contemplating staying home as well!
K.M.
Yes, You Can!
When people say to me "Boy, I sure wish I could stay home," I respond by saying, "you can. Sell one of your cars, get rid of your credit cards and lower your standard of living like I've done." To the people who look down on me for staying home, I say "God has blessed me with 2 lovely children. It is my responsibility to raise them properly. People who use daycare shouldn't bother having kids, because they are obviously inconvenient for them." Of course, this last comment is just for the nasty ones!
P
The Most Important Job
I also have been faced with the type of comments you mentioned, some on the borderline of being rude towards my decision to stay at home.
However, being a mom to my children is the most important job I could ever have, and I needed to know I was doing my best for them, not for the company I worked for. And that I believe EVERYONE can live on less than what they presently do; it is a matter of priorities.
When these replies are given to the "Gee, I wish I could quit my job" with heartfelt sincerity, I think it makes people think twice about their own lifestyles and what they are putting ahead of their husband, and children.
Good Luck and God Bless. You know you have made the decision that works for you and your family and that is really all that matters!
Leslie
Indiana
You're Not Alone
I, too, am a stay-home mom. I worked as a lawyer for eight years, then quit my job when my son was 9 months old because I truly believe it is the best thing for him. However, I do find that there is little support these days for the few of us who do this.
I would suggest telling those who imply that you live a luxurious life that you have had to make a much tighter budget for your family, but that you're willing to do without a few extra things so that you will be able to give more time and attention to your child.
As for my supportive advice to this reader, I would offer that I am constantly criticized by parents who both work full-time outside the home, as though I am doing something bad for my son. When I tell people that my son does not go to daycare, they look at me as though I'm claiming to have been abducted by aliens! Then they typically ask (with a wrinkled up nose) "How is he ever going to learn any social skills?" I truly believe that I am doing the best for my child. My theory is that parents who would rather live in a luxurious house, wear diamond jewelry, and drive expensive cars than spend quality time with their children have invented this "social skills" theory as a way to justify their dumping their children into the daycare corral each day.
Rhonda
It's a Choice
When my husband and I made the decision for me to leave the workforce, we got the same reactions for our co-workers (we worked together). When people would say stuff like, "I wish I could afford to do that," I would say something like, "It's not that we can afford it, we have just chosen to sacrifice some things so that we can do it." By emphasizing that "we" had "chosen," it didn't seem like a put-down to the other person.
Denise
It's No Vacation
We are also a one-income family. However, it is my husband that stays home while I go to work. We have heard all of the comments and then some. We especially hear comments from men like "Oh that's the life," or "Must be nice," or my favorite, "I would do that in a second if I could." It still amazes me that people think staying home with young children equates to a vacation. We sometimes even get comments inferring that my husband is too lazy to get a "real" job.
In any case, you should first resolve that you won't let these people get you down. Perhaps some of them truly do wish they could stay home, but I suspect that there are just as many that would not care to make the necessary sacrifices.
Don't be shy in telling people that you have made these sacrifices. Be proud of it. Sometimes I try to laugh about it. For example, when my co-workers are comparing their expensive weekend activities, I announce that I spent the weekend "sailing." Of course they know that I mean rummage saling, but I'm sure that I had just as much fun as they did.
When it comes down to it, tell them that you have made decisions that work best for your family and feel that you can't afford NOT to stay at home.
Kris P.
Offer Them A Loan
I just tell everyone we are rich and that is why I can stay home and live a life of luxury, eating bonbons and watching soaps. I also ask them if they need a loan. They usually shut up, because I say it very convincingly. Never take life too seriously.
Oatmeal Banana Cake
I had some bananas ready for banana bread, but I was in the mood to make something different. I found a recipe for Oatmeal Banana Cupcakes on allrecipes.com and thought they sounded good.
The original recipe for the cupcakes is:
1/2 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 cup mashed ripe bananas
3/4 cup honey
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup quick-cooking oats
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon salt
In a mixing bowl, cream butter and sugar. Add eggs, bananas and honey; mix well. Combine dry ingredients; stir into creamed mixture just until moistened. Fill paper-lined muffin cups two-thirds full. Bake at 350 degrees F for 18-20 minutes or until cupcakes test done. Cool in pan 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack.
I thought I could make it a little healthier, and I only have one muffin tin so I made it into a cake instead.
Here's my recipe:
*1/2 cup butter, softened
*1/2 cup brown sugar
*2 eggs
*1 cup mashed ripe bananas
*1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
*1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
*1 cup quick cooking oats
*1 teaspoon baking powder
*1 teaspoon baking soda
*1/4 teaspoon salt
*Cinnamon (optional-I just threw some in)
In a mixing bowl, cream butter and sugar. Add eggs, bananas and applesauce; mix well. Combine dry ingredients; stir into creamed mixture just until moistened. Put in small glass bakeware, or make cupcakes! Bake at 350 degrees F for 25-30 minutes (for cake) 18-20 minutes (for cupcakes). Cool in pan 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack.
Everybody says it is delicious, and I have a feeling I'll be mixing more up in a few days!
The original recipe for the cupcakes is:
1/2 cup butter or margarine, softened
1/2 cup sugar
2 eggs
1 cup mashed ripe bananas
3/4 cup honey
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup quick-cooking oats
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
3/4 teaspoon salt
In a mixing bowl, cream butter and sugar. Add eggs, bananas and honey; mix well. Combine dry ingredients; stir into creamed mixture just until moistened. Fill paper-lined muffin cups two-thirds full. Bake at 350 degrees F for 18-20 minutes or until cupcakes test done. Cool in pan 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack.
I thought I could make it a little healthier, and I only have one muffin tin so I made it into a cake instead.
Here's my recipe:
*1/2 cup butter, softened
*1/2 cup brown sugar
*2 eggs
*1 cup mashed ripe bananas
*1/2 cup unsweetened applesauce
*1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
*1 cup quick cooking oats
*1 teaspoon baking powder
*1 teaspoon baking soda
*1/4 teaspoon salt
*Cinnamon (optional-I just threw some in)
In a mixing bowl, cream butter and sugar. Add eggs, bananas and applesauce; mix well. Combine dry ingredients; stir into creamed mixture just until moistened. Put in small glass bakeware, or make cupcakes! Bake at 350 degrees F for 25-30 minutes (for cake) 18-20 minutes (for cupcakes). Cool in pan 10 minutes before removing to a wire rack.
Everybody says it is delicious, and I have a feeling I'll be mixing more up in a few days!
“I have made a choice to fully enjoy my kids and this particular season of my life. It’s a very conscious, powerful decision. In some ways, it takes more guts to buck the financial rewards and adulation that come from a professional career to pursue something so culturally undervalued as at-home motherhood.”
Quote by Rachel Campos-Duffy
Book It!
I have been busy reading!!
A friend recommended The Mortal Instruments series. Very good reading!
I also read Book 5 in the The Sign of the Zodiac series
I'm reading The Strain which is turning out to be a quite scary, and hard to put down. Great first book of the series! Looking forward to reading the others. You can't go wrong with Guillermo Del Toro. I love his movies. Hellboy, Pan's Labyrinth, and especially The Orphanage.
I'm also reading this cookbook by Christy Jordan, which has some great recipes!
Happy reading to you!!
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
— Groucho Marx
A friend recommended The Mortal Instruments series. Very good reading!
I also read Book 5 in the The Sign of the Zodiac series
I'm reading The Strain which is turning out to be a quite scary, and hard to put down. Great first book of the series! Looking forward to reading the others. You can't go wrong with Guillermo Del Toro. I love his movies. Hellboy, Pan's Labyrinth, and especially The Orphanage.
I'm also reading this cookbook by Christy Jordan, which has some great recipes!
Happy reading to you!!
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
— Groucho Marx
A Thought...
"...And a mother without children is not a mother at all, and if I am not a mother, than I am nothing. Nothing. I am like sugar dissolved in a glass of water. Or, I am like salt, which disappears when you cook with it. I am salt. Without my children, I cease to exist."
— Thrity Umrigar
— Thrity Umrigar
Last year I was at the mall shopping for Christmas presents. I had to pick up a gift card at New York and Company. I was waiting in line behind two young girls. As they paid the cashier asked the one if she'd like to round up her total and donate the change-58 cents-to the St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. She said "no" loudly, with as much attitude as she could muster, rolled her eyes at her friend, and smirked. A couple things hit me about that girl. One was that she was a giant major bitch, the other was that she was a selfish bitch with a bad attitude. The kind of attitude that makes my skin crawl. The kind of attitude I see everywhere.
I think about that girl every time I am in a shop and they ask me if I'd like to donate to whatever charity they are touting. I always say yes, and give my dollar, or my change. Why? Because that girl, and countless others, aren't. She isn't handing anybody anything. She is keeping that 58 cents and those cancer babies are on their own.
So, why do people get haughty when it comes to giving? What is it about being asked to donate, however small, that turns them into selfish arrogant assholes? I can see them in my mind as they leave the store. "Can you believe that cashier, asking me if I'd like to donate to Toys for Tots? The nerve of some people...let me tell you, this world is going to hell."
I give to St. Jude every month. Why? Because my kids don't have cancer, but there are kids that do. Those kids have parent's just like me, who live for their children. Those parents that took their baby to the doctor and heard the news every parent dreads. Who have to be strong while they watch their babies suffer. Who take them places like St. Jude because they have to do anything and everything to save them. Because every time I see a commercial for St. Jude all I can think about is that girl's awful smirk. Because I watched a big, strong man die of cancer. I watched how nothing could take the pain away, and I can't imagine any child having to suffer like that. Because I choose Hope.
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.
Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.
Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.
Step away from the debit card...
I am adopting a new mindset. Frugality. Live simply, so that we may simply live.
As my old anti-anxiety medicine leaves my system, and my one new kicks in, I realize how out of control I was with the spending. My old medicine made me impulsive, reckless. My debit card was on fire! My husband said if he called the house and I said "guess what I bought..." one more time he was taking my card to work with him! But, thank the Lord, those urges are dead and gone.
I don't want to be one of those people living above their means, buying just to buy, trying to impress. I want to be someone who is happy with what they have! My family doesn't need the shiny big new TV, endless video games, the newest cell phones, the marble counter tops. The kids don't need to live in a museum of nice things, they need a home. We need love, each other, God, hope...family. We need laughter, hugs, memories. The kids need home cooked meals, stories at bedtime, Friday night movie night. I want to show my children what is really means to live.
Welcome to the good life!!
As my old anti-anxiety medicine leaves my system, and my one new kicks in, I realize how out of control I was with the spending. My old medicine made me impulsive, reckless. My debit card was on fire! My husband said if he called the house and I said "guess what I bought..." one more time he was taking my card to work with him! But, thank the Lord, those urges are dead and gone.
I don't want to be one of those people living above their means, buying just to buy, trying to impress. I want to be someone who is happy with what they have! My family doesn't need the shiny big new TV, endless video games, the newest cell phones, the marble counter tops. The kids don't need to live in a museum of nice things, they need a home. We need love, each other, God, hope...family. We need laughter, hugs, memories. The kids need home cooked meals, stories at bedtime, Friday night movie night. I want to show my children what is really means to live.
Welcome to the good life!!
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| I can never get all of them looking at once! |
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| Twin cheeses |
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| Decorating some gingerbread men |
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| Learning how to feed herself! |
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| The sweetest smile you ever did see |
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| The prettiest 10 year old! |
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